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Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Finding Myself 2359 Views

Finding Myself 18 Oct 2009 23:48 #24229

  • aaron
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I'm so excited to work past these first 90 days. My problem is though, that I don't know if it will really help me stop. Granted it is incredible amount of time,but i just lack the self -confidence to work past it. I've lost to my y'h so many times already its really like chazal say.... its become mutar. While i'm incollege here, everything is fine. I started a website for prevention for others (helpmestop.weebly.com) and installed my own k9 with a roomate installed pasword. I worry about going home for break, where i'm not in a torah environment and where there other coputers besides mine that lack filters.

The worst part about the fall is that by making it mutar to me, I fell like its as if my yirat shamayim were fake from the start. With a ton of college work on my shoulders, someitmes i just seek out support. thats why i love GYE. i wish the whole world could know about this amazing group. I truly love my people. I want to stop, but not just stop and still have a desire. I want to uproot it completely.

So far, i'm going pretty strong on day 9. but part of me feels like this process is too passive (b'h) and my y'h hasn't been destroying me. I think its hashem fighting away all the battles for me. But part of this makes me wonder if that is allowing for the bad midos I've fed to starve away and get fixed, or if its just waiting  to pounce at a later time.

it just feels good to type out my thoughts like this. I just wish I could help others with this problem also.  I hope to continue posting, which will hopefully keep me active in my goal. 90 days would be really really awesome. I jsut gotta keep away from boredom.

thanks so much gang. I cannot ever say thank you enough.
"Master of the World, Tate Zise Helige Tate......."

Changing the world one person, one smile at a time -- starting with me ;D

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2590.0
Last Edit: by Hope.ful.

Re: Finding Myself 19 Oct 2009 03:59 #24248

  • Gam Zu
Welcome!

Don't worry too much about the future and what it will be like when you get to 90 days. Just take it day-by-day. I'm also a newbie but a little ahead so if it's ok I'm just gonna throw some pointers that worked for me:
When I first started I had the same concern. Due to the yomin noraim I thought my progress was not genuine and only due to the intensity of the zman but B"H I'm still going strong. Mazal tov on day 9 and iy"H I hope to give you another mazal tov 81 days from now. But for now focus on day 10 and that's it. The chart is really uplifting to watch as your name climbs up so keep track. And keep posting - we're all hear to listen.

All the best and WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!!

-GZ
Last Edit: by Cmg.

Re: Finding Myself 19 Oct 2009 04:14 #24249

  • Kedusha
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Dear Aaron,

Your helping others is a terrific strategy for succeeding in this area (it's #12 of the 12 steps, in my limited knowledge).  When you're home from college, you can encourage other GYE members who need Chizuk, and also continue working on your website.  Between that, Davening, learning, eating, and sleeping, who even has time to give the y"h the time of day? 
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by 1q.1q.1q.

Re: Finding Myself 19 Oct 2009 10:11 #24295

  • Sturggle
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Aaron,

WELCOME!!

Great to have you here with us.
Last Edit: by Zozobaba.

Re: Finding Myself 19 Oct 2009 10:20 #24297

  • 7yipol
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Aaron, welcome to the family. This place is growing like crazy lately and you now have a large group of fellow strugglers your age / stage to help you, and for you to help.

I see you are ahead of this game already. Giving is the way to heal. As R' Dov would say "to heck with me, what can I do for you?"

Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
Last Edit: by Gabiw.

Re: Finding Myself 19 Oct 2009 12:28 #24305

  • Noorah BAmram
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Warmest welcome hidden tzadik Aaron,

The motto overhere is "ish es reiyeihu yazoiru u'lachiv yomar chazak" loosely translated as each man shall  help his friend and to his brother he will say CHAZAK!!!!
What a beautiful song!!!!!


Chazak chazak my brother!!!!

With tremendous respect to a fellow warrior

Noorah
[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b] 
A Tzadik is he who continues to  bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita
Last Edit: by yyk.

Re: Finding Myself 19 Oct 2009 12:42 #24309

  • the.guard
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Dear Aaron,

By being part of our community, you will have the opportunity to help many other yidden! Welcome! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Make sure to read them, they contain a wealth of information on beating this addiction! And I'd love to hear your feedback on them...

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: 19 Oct 2009 14:23 by Sholom18.

Re: Finding Myself 19 Oct 2009 14:56 #24354

  • bardichev
HELLO HELLO HELLO

POST AWAY!!!
Last Edit: by like902.

Re: Finding Myself 20 Oct 2009 17:32 #24658

  • aaron
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Daa..... I can't believe I just f ell a gain. this is horrible. the whole time i'm thining, I believe in one G-d. I just standing here like an idiot. I got my friend to overide the system. Climbing is way harder than I thought. 90 days is a long time. I didn't realize how addicted I really am. I have to break free. I went so long in a'y. just now that i'm back, its so much harder.

I have to keep trying..... I need to fix this....... its ruining my life!!!
"Master of the World, Tate Zise Helige Tate......."

Changing the world one person, one smile at a time -- starting with me ;D

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2590.0
Last Edit: by Crabbers.

Re: Finding Myself 20 Oct 2009 17:57 #24669

  • Kedusha
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In the zechus of your helping others, may Hashem help you pick yourself right back up, and as my good friend Bardichev always says, "Keep on trucking!"  (Whatever that means!  ???)
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by Yadina.

Re: Finding Myself 20 Oct 2009 18:01 #24672

  • Someone
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Welcome! That you are here shows that you must be on the right path!

It is exactly that trying, that will in the end let you succeed. 90 days is a very long time, when you focus on the 90 days. But I believe by taking it one day at a time, itll be gone before you know it. Not that I would have much to say.... fell 2 days ago.

Get up again and analyze what went wrong the last time!
Last Edit: by Zxc.

Re: Finding Myself 21 Oct 2009 21:36 #24915

  • the.guard
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You're no different than all of us here... Many succeed. Find out how. It takes time, patience and preserverence... Read the handbooks and the daily Chizuk e-mails... Post on the forum. Start to LIVE LIFE, a life of giving, connection to Hashem. Get out of yourself.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by Allforthegood33.

Re: Finding Myself 22 Oct 2009 16:12 #25007

  • jda211
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i know so much how you feel.  im in very similar stages.  i finally had my longest streak of 42 days, and i busted it the day after yom kippur.  for me at least, part of my problem was thinking i was cured.  because things started getting better and happier, i got lax in the things that got me there.  i didnt post as much, didn't focus on the handbooks as much, and maybe skipped an email here and there.  the key for me (which i am still learning) is that it won't be over just like that.  and while that can be scary, we just need to focus on my daily routine and how that can be best accomplished and how it can be done cleanly.
hope that made some sense.
Last Edit: by Guitar7.
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