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Bigmoish's path to tahara
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Bigmoish's path to tahara 70932 Views

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 06 May 2015 15:38 #254038

  • newaction
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if you count neshamaincharge as 3 , yes it gets to 14.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 06 May 2015 16:44 #254050

  • cordnoy
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newaction wrote:
if you count neshamaincharge as 3 , yes it gets to 14.


check out the "dot, dot, dot."
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 06 May 2015 17:27 #254054

  • newaction
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I barely know how to use the quote click and you want me to check some dots ? thats more than what an old man like me can take.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 11 May 2015 14:28 #254332

  • Bigmoish
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I am physically drained and emotionally spent.

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The last four days, I have been fighting and white knuckling till my last ounce of energy.
At several times, the only thing that saved me was reaching out and sharing the very embarrassing details of what I was planning to do just then.
Last night, I threw in the towel, but I had Divine intervention and was prevented from carrying out my plans. I feel like the last few days were 90 in of themselves. But they weren't. They were four days. Four very hard days.

imaginarynumbers.jpg

They all just feel like imaginary numbers anyway...
Does it ever let up?
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 11 May 2015 16:01 #254343

  • cordnoy
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Bigmoish wrote:

Does it ever let up?


so they say.

i have experienced some "let-up" in the past; not in the near past, however.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 11 May 2015 19:18 #254362

  • serenity
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Thanks for sharing and being honest. I can relate to having struggles. Things are okay right now, B"H.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 14 May 2015 04:28 #254657

  • Bigmoish
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This is my 400th post, and I am back on day 1. Did I accomplish anything in these past months? Definitely. It's just taking a while to figure out everything that doesn't work, that's all.
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 14 May 2015 15:19 #254686

  • ZemirosShabbos
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to quote the Rebbe:
winning means staying in the game
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 14 May 2015 16:51 #254693

  • Bigmoish
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bardichev wrote:
Winning means STAYING IN THE GAME!!! (bards)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 17 May 2015 22:05 #254924

  • stillgoing
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Bigmoish: - CUMULATIVE CLEAN DAYS: 260 Days

I once heard the moshel of a wealthy man who built himself a huge mansion, and went up to the roof the day it was done to see the view and he fell off. On the way to the hospital he was moaning that he fell and his entire house fell too. The parameds told him that (he must have hit his head or something) only he fell and his house is still standing waiting for the day when he's better again and can go to live in it. When we are clean (& 260 days is no small stuff) we are building a house, when we fall we have to go to the hospital (or GYE) but the house is still ours waiting for our return.
KIT
SG
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 05 Jun 2015 17:32 #256190

  • Bigmoish
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Somehow, I only seem to be able to gather the strength necessary to update immediately following a fall. Found a loophole in the filter, which I should not have been looking for (and usually don't look for), and the rest is history, although I did manage to hold back from actually masturbating.
In discussing it with my web monitor, I realized that there has been a gradual change in the nature of my falls. When I started here, I wasn't so addicted to porn per se, but I was compulsively
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
and uncontrollably masturbating quite often. Lately, I noticed, partially due to my filters and accountability software, that my streaks have been consistently longer, and ended with an impulsive
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
search and discovery of a hole in the filter, without even masturbating.
Although I am still skeptical cynical, it seems to me that I now fit better into the category of behavior that the Taphsic method will help for.
On a side note, I do feel that although my wife may never fully get over the fact that I lust after her sister, my connection with her is definitely improving.
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 05 Jun 2015 17:42 #256191

  • cordnoy
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Although I don't understand all the lingo and the psyche stuff, it does sound like a "commitment" theory I have been hearin'.....

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 05 Jun 2015 17:47 #256194

  • Bigmoish
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Commitment? I ain't ready to be committed jes' yet...
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 16 Jun 2015 14:10 #256974

  • Bigmoish
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snowman-_effigies_2015-06-16.gif


This is basically how I feel when I attempt step 4...
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!
Last Edit: 16 Jun 2015 14:17 by Bigmoish.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 16 Jun 2015 14:19 #256975

  • serenity
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I hear that's not an uncommon experience.

I think it was Bill S. on the tapes of his step seminar that talked about the guy who listed like a 180 resentments and then listed as a resentment that he didn't have more people to resent .

Personally having spent an inordinate amount of time on Step 4, most of that time due to procrastination, do it thoroughly of course but get it over with. It's like wallowing in misery. I took my 5st step yesterday and a huge burden was lifted from me.

Hatzlacha!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.
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