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Bigmoish's path to tahara
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Bigmoish's path to tahara 70225 Views

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 15:35 #244150

  • cordnoy
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I don't have one either.
Wishin' is bliss.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 21:36 #244163

  • Bigmoish
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Thanks again to everyone who continues to reach out to me with encouragement.

calvin_encouragemant.jpg


Agav, does anyone know how to see past 10 "thank you's" on a post? My ego is itching to see the full list...
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 21:59 #244165

  • lavi
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look buddy, it ain't everyday that you get caught, and i'm sure you would have traded the 10, for not being caught, so it is kinda a consolation prize.
anyway, boost your ego, and your resolve to get better...
a little ego boost, ain't gonna do you too much harm....
i love you all

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 22:01 #244166

  • Bigmoish
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I was actually dying to get caught. I couldn't handle the multiple personality syndrome anymore.
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 22:29 #244169

  • cordnoy
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so, i spoke about you with my therapist today.
I also said i would die to get caught.
we have our differences though - regardin' history.
the feelin' of bein' able to share your struggles...not hidin'...must be exhiliratin'.
i told her that i am jealous of you.
i saw those 10 thank you's...good stuff!
my therapist still pushin' me to tell my wife.
Can't just yet.
I told her I will eventually.

Thanks

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 22:31 #244170

  • gibbor120
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Hi BigMoish! I'm glad you are in a better place now. I can identify with the multiple personalities etc. When my wife caught me it was both the best and worst day of my life. B"H things are much better now, but it was rough riding for a while.

I wish you continued bracha v'hatzlacha!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 22:58 #244176

  • gibbor120
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Bigmoish wrote:
Agav, does anyone know how to see past 10 "thank you's" on a post? My ego is itching to see the full list...
I think you can see them all on your profile page.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 23:50 #244182

  • unanumun
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i was just thinking....
In Israel they have this guy that when rachmana litzlan somebody dies in a crash or some other sudden tragedy, this tzaddik goes to the family to tell them the news. He is able to build them up and slowly break the news to them and help them deal with the initial shock
maybe gye should set up some system where somebody can break the news to our wives that they are married to lust addicts.
we can send some woman to break the news to them.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 26 Nov 2014 23:55 #244184

  • cordnoy
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Send them as a shliach l'holachah or l'kabbalah?
Ya' think any woman (wife) will wanna hear this news from a stranger?

Avira d'Eretz Yisroel machkim.....LOL
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 27 Nov 2014 00:13 #244188

  • unanumun
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sometimes the avira of chutz laaeretz is metamtem the kup.it can take years to clean it

ya think any woman would wanna hear this from her husband?
Last Edit: 27 Nov 2014 00:17 by unanumun.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 27 Nov 2014 05:48 #244207

  • Metal King
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unanumun wrote:
i was just thinking....
In Israel they have this guy that when rachmana litzlan somebody dies in a crash or some other sudden tragedy, this tzaddik goes to the family to tell them the news. He is able to build them up and slowly break the news to them and help them deal with the initial shock
maybe gye should set up some system where somebody can break the news to our wives that they are married to lust addicts.
we can send some woman to break the news to them.


I think the big shock and what most husbands are worried their wives will freak about is the sex part, the porn, etc. So, when i told my wife, i first started on the general topic of addiction. How addicts can switch addiction, that its not really about the addiction, its the underlying spiritual sickness. Once she seemed on the same page, I then opened up about how I identified as an addict. Again, not so much emphasizing that I want to ogle women, drool over porn, and masturbate but how I feel the underlying sickness: the loneliness, the disconnection, the resentment, the low self esteem. When she got all of that, then I finally clued her in that my particular fix to my pain was ogling, porn, and masturbation.

NO, I did NOT reveal how far down the rabbit hole I've gone. I had already stopped that really damaging behavior and felt that telling her would only alleviate MY SELFISH need for no guilt and just give her an extra challenge of accepting this situation. And Baruch Hashem, we seem to be great. She seems happy I'm taking the steps to get well and trying my best. She smiles and hugs me when I show her each new gambling chip for an additional month of sobriety.

When you're telling your spouse youre sick, you dont want to be sick, and that you're taking the steps to get better, I dont think they care so much about the nitty gritty. They care more about the love, the honesty, the trust, and desire to improve.

But maybe I was just blessed with that situation myself. Only G-d knows.
My two favorite Rebbe Nachman quotes:

The whole world is a narrow bridge; the main thing is to not be afraid.

If you won't be better tomorrow than you were today, then what do you need tomorrow for?
Last Edit: 27 Nov 2014 05:50 by Metal King.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 28 Nov 2014 01:09 #244234

  • skeptical
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unanumun
ya think any woman would wanna hear this from her husband?


Yes, I think she would much rather hear it from her husband. It builds trust, amongst other positive things, in a relationship.

The shame and embarrassment of hearing it from an outsider would be more destructive, in my opinion.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 28 Nov 2014 03:09 #244238

  • cordnoy
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Unan just told me that he was just jokin'
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 01 Dec 2014 09:01 #244360

  • Bigmoish
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I've always nudged my wife to buy gloves (she lost a couple of pairs and never replaced them), because her hands get terribly chapped in the winter. She would always brush me off by saying she needs to find a really good pair that fits well, but today she bought a cheap pair ("until she finds a good one.") I said "nice gloves!" in a somewhat surprised tone when I saw them. She responded "well, now that I know I have competition..."

Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 01 Dec 2014 11:22 #244362

  • lavi
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i'm happy to hear that you feel better, and it seems that your wife is taking it in stride, which is just great.
i think that if you compliment your wife, from time to time, about how good it is to be married to her, it could go along way in shalom bayis and recovery.
i love you all
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