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New here and hoping to make it to 90 days
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 3916 Views

Re: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 06 Oct 2009 18:30 #22068

  • Holy Yid
  • Current streak: 92 days
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The secret of not trying is in the hand book. Please read up on it. It will help you after Succos.

PS the rest of the hand books will help you also.
זכרני נא, זכרני נא, וחזקני נא אך הפעם הזה, הפעם הזה, האלקים, ואנקמה נקם אחת משתי עיני, מפלשתים
Last Edit: by losangeles123.

Re: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 06 Oct 2009 21:01 #22103

I am working my way slowly through the handbooks at the moment. I have read both briefly but I really want to take the time to internalise what's in there and see how I can relate it to my own individual journey. So far they have been a huge help.

I was overwhelmed to see my post on the daily e-mail today! It really gave me a much needed boost and the Y"H has been quiet all day, so thank you Reb Guard! However, I now know that it is exactly when I'm starting to feel in control that the Y"H can be at his strongest.

Hope everyone else is going strong and feeling positive!
Last Edit: by shmules.

Re: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 06 Oct 2009 21:10 #22107

  • Holy Yid
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I find it very helpful to share with my partner what each point means practically for me
זכרני נא, זכרני נא, וחזקני נא אך הפעם הזה, הפעם הזה, האלקים, ואנקמה נקם אחת משתי עיני, מפלשתים
Last Edit: by yidanochi.

Re: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 06 Oct 2009 21:36 #22111

Good stuff Holy Yid! Yes, the extra work of actually relating to one's own experience has really helped me so far (though I've still got a loooooong way to go!)

I think that all the other times I have tried to stop I got the theory down fine, but never actually stopped to see how it related to my own individual struggle. (Which of course meant that it was bound to fail)

On a similar topic, I started a very thorough chesbon hanefesh today and then stopped because going back over some of the times I acted out started sending trigger warnings. I'm wondering if it's a good idea to go right back to when this all started or should I just draw a line under the past and start the cheshbon hanefesh from the current attempt to stay clean?

I'd be interested to hear other's experiences in this area.
Last Edit: by Anonym721.

Re: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 06 Oct 2009 22:13 #22123

  • jerusalemsexaddict
Moshebenavraham wrote on 06 Oct 2009 21:36:

Good stuff Holy Yid! Yes, the extra work of actually relating to one's own experience has really helped me so far (though I've still got a loooooong way to go!)

I think that all the other times I have tried to stop I got the theory down fine, but never actually stopped to see how it related to my own individual struggle. (Which of course meant that it was bound to fail)

On a similar topic, I started a very thorough chesbon hanefesh today and then stopped because going back over some of the times I acted out started sending trigger warnings. I'm wondering if it's a good idea to go right back to when this all started or should I just draw a line under the past and start the cheshbon hanefesh from the current attempt to stay clean?

I'd be interested to hear other's experiences in this area.


my personal experience is that I gained alot more from my cheshbon hanefesh when doing it with another person who has good perspective and is understanding.
On my own,it just gets me depressed..
Stay strong Moshe!
You're doing great,Baruch Hashem
-uri
Last Edit: by Bensarah.

Re: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 07 Oct 2009 01:36 #22142

  • Holy Yid
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I kept a log of all my falls in the last few years. Since I started here I have barely looked at the log. I started a new chapter here, a whole new way of thinking, a new perspective on the struggle. All my old falls have no real bearing on where I am holding. They made the habit but knowing numbers and dates will not help me here.  If I feel cocky that I think I am doing well I look at the notebook but don't open it. I want to remind myself how weak I am.

The idea the thinking about past falls in this area will serve as a trigger is an old one. R' Yisroel Salanter mentions it in a letter. He says to do what we all now too well, don't focus on the past and work on the future.
זכרני נא, זכרני נא, וחזקני נא אך הפעם הזה, הפעם הזה, האלקים, ואנקמה נקם אחת משתי עיני, מפלשתים
Last Edit: by Bobi.

Re: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 07 Oct 2009 03:13 #22146

  • Kedusha
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At least for the foreseeable future, I would restrict your Cheshbon HaNefesh to the present.
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by Jackfar.

Re: New here and hoping to make it to 90 days 07 Oct 2009 08:21 #22162

Thanks everyone, great advice.
I was certainly gravitating towards not dwelling too much on the past but of course I want to understand previous triggers so as to be more aware of them but I was in such a mess in the past that I’m not sure how well I’d do at spotting the point where I could have stopped anyway and the potential for depression or setting of triggers is probably too risky at this early stage.

Holy Yid, I like the idea that the notebook is there to check you if you start to get too cocky. I might try something similar because I think that could easily become a falling point for me.

Thanks again. The support here means a great deal.
Last Edit: by SearchingForHelp.
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