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The last part of the puzzle
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: The last part of the puzzle 2127 Views

The last part of the puzzle 09 Sep 2009 23:36 #17053

  • quixorbl
So, I've just got an accountability partner named "hoping."  I've started calling in to Elya's Thursday night phone sessions.  I have an internet filter installed on my computer with the password set by my lovely wife and e-mail address for forgotten passwords being one of her e-mail addresses.  All that's missing is some semblance of involvement on the Forum.  And so, without further ado:

Hi, there.  I've had the internet porn / masturbation addiction for the past 15 years.  I'm a BT so when I first started I was 14 and not religious.  I became observant in college and was able to give up my assorted secular temptations like eating unkosher food and playing computer games / video games all day on Saturday.  But this one just would not let go.  Sure, I had my ups.  I think I lasted nearly one whole semester in college once and, after the filter was first installed, lasted several more months before I figured out how to get around it.  But I've had my downs.  Sometimes the degree of down-ity is falling once a week.  Sometimes the degree of down-ity is worse, e.g. every day or several times a day.  I had read enough about this issue to know that marriage would not solve this problem yet that knoweldge doesn't really make me feel any better about what this does to my poor, loving wife.  And now that we have our first child (not quite 3 months old) this issue really needs to come to a head.

There's probably much more to be said but I have a bunch of other things to do tonight so this will have to do for now.  I'm hoping (verb) that hoping (noun) will be a great source of assistance along with the rest of this amazing Forum.  Going 90 days is both part extremely easy and part extremely hard.  The extremely easy part is the 0.  The extremely hard part is the 9.
Last Edit: by Achash.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 10 Sep 2009 01:14 #17062

  • Rage AT Machine
hey there and welcome aboard...i am a newbie just getting started like you but you seem to have come in here with a tremendous amount of resolve and ground work, which gives you a leg up on this 90 day thing...ive found that coming back here to this forum on a regular basis has been extremely helpful....helping someone else when they need you is very helpful...just knowing that there are others who are still trying to fight this war in a world where it seems like the war is over and gd lost, it helps...treating this like a crack addiction is very helpful...the emails, the stories of failures and successes, they all help...ive been here a very very short time but ive accomplsihed more in that short time here than i have in the past 15 plus years in this addiction...one more thing...it seems like people really take a stumble around days 25-30, i dont know why that is but maybe if you are aware that a pitfall stands before you around there it wont suprise you and you can get around it...im nowhere near there though so i dont know what to expect....good luck
-ratm

Last Edit: by edible10.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 10 Sep 2009 03:06 #17079

  • Elya K
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  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 244
Good to see you on the forum and thanks for being on the Thursday night calls.
I have a suggestion if you're open to it.  One of the tricks to staying sober is
to live in the present moment.  Today for today.  One day at a time.
Anytime we get anxious (worrying about the future) it takes us out of the
present.  Don't look forward to 90 days.  Look forward to the next hour
and the next day only and you'll make 90 before you know it.

the reason I think 30 days is a trigger is that a month is a notch in your
target toward 90 days.  30 days is a completion of one month.  We begin
to feel confident and proud of ourselves.  Then we might let our guard
(pardon the pun) down.  So just be careful.  Make a call.  get focused
and you'll make it.

Elya
Presently one of the GYE hotline moderators for couples struggling with Shmiras Eiynaim issues in their marriage.  Elya is the author of 2 books, Help Her Heal with Carol Sheets for partners of SA and his latest book, Hey!What About Me: How to become a priority in a world of distraction, impulsivity and indifference. 
https://mailchi.mp/allanjkatz/ztm0vcbin4
Last Edit: by aaaaa.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 10 Sep 2009 03:07 #17080

  • Cleareyes613
  • Current streak: 272 days
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  • Karma: 1
quixorbl - welcome to the forum. I to have spent almost the same amount of time battling my addiction. I tried so many things over the years, even had an awesome strech when I first got my filter, but always up in the hands of the y"h. I couldn't do it alone. Hashem heard my prayers and guided me towards GYE. With the help of Hashem and GYE I having the best Elul in my life and finaling climbing up the ladder.

The final part of the puzzle is being part of GYE. Now keep on posting so we can watch you grow. 
Last Edit: by M12345.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 10 Sep 2009 13:22 #17151

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 487 days
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Welcome quixorbl,

What does that stand for, by the way? Maybe you should change your name to quixobl without the "r".

Sorry, that was a joke.  Not sure if I get it though.

Ok, so you've been on the 90 day chart for a while, and you know the gig; handbooks, phone conferences, daily chizuk e-mails, etc... Right? No need for the usual welcome letter I assume...

It's good to see you here on the forum. We love new friends.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: The last part of the puzzle 10 Sep 2009 14:13 #17188

  • quixorbl
Quick head's up since I forgot it in my haste of my original message.  Especially in response to the previous post, I fell again yesterday (snapping a 10-day streak) before posting here...which is the main reason I started posting here at all.  It seems to have helped others control their lust so why not me, too.
Last Edit: by jakeandfriends.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 10 Sep 2009 22:30 #17319

  • quixorbl
Good day so far.  Here's hoping it keeps up.
Last Edit: by aabs.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 11 Sep 2009 11:23 #17370

  • Hoping
  • Current streak: 361 days
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Hi-
I am happy your day is going well. Keep it up!

(PS email me )
Last Edit: by jazzbo.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 11 Sep 2009 12:22 #17375

  • Noorah BAmram
  • Current streak: 2580 days
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Warmest hug and  welcome tzadik!
The Heilega Guard as he is affectionately known here got tired of giving his usual welcome one of the things he says is, once you get here there is no turning back! We will all grab hold of you all the way........
Welcome again to a special TZADIK
With Love and respect
Noorah from the house of Amram

BTW as for me, one of the main reasons that I was  able to do 90 days was  because I have in all my computers what I call a "no nonsense" filter, impossible to circumvent!
Love
Noorah
[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b] 
A Tzadik is he who continues to  bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita
Last Edit: by rleedes.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 11 Sep 2009 18:05 #17433

  • quixorbl
Feeling slightly less of a tzaddik today as I fell again this morning.  I really need to spend more time reading around the Forum and posting on other people's threads.  I should be writing more about how my days go besides when I fall.  However, my wife and I are both unemployed with way too many expenses.  Undoubtedly, at least some reason for this financial test is my addiction.  However, when I'm not wasting time giving in to my addiction, I need to be finding ways to make financial ends meet, which can supersede my need to post here.  All I need to do is figure out how to redirect my addiction to reading and posting on this Forum and I'll be ready to go.  That, or find a job.
Last Edit: by Hopefulrecovery.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 11 Sep 2009 18:19 #17434

  • Rage AT Machine
dude, if youre hanging around the computer all day by yourself in your home, youre begging to mess up... i know youre lookin for work but you still need to find reasons to get out of the house...work remotely from a starbucks or at a library , someplace where there are a lot of people...dont sit around all day looking to burn sunlight in front of your computer! GET OUT!
- ratm
Last Edit: by swiss-yid.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 11 Sep 2009 18:58 #17437

  • Noorah BAmram
  • Current streak: 2580 days
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You R still A tzadik. as long as u don't give up.  
HAtzlocha in finding a job
BTW i read somewhere that shmiras habris is a segula for parnassa!
Good Shabbos, Tzadik

Noorah
[b]כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם[/b] 
A Tzadik is he who continues to  bounce back after he hits bottom, even a hundred times !!!!!Rav Don Segal Shlita
Last Edit: 13 Sep 2009 01:35 by proudjew16.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 12 Sep 2009 18:44 #17460

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 487 days
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The Heilega Guard as he is affectionately known here got tired of giving his usual welcome


I didn't get tired, (it's just mainly copy and paste  ) but I know he was on the 90 chart, and each person who signs up there gets a whole welcoming e-mail with the usual stuff, so no need to repeat  :D
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by girlprob.

Re: The last part of the puzzle 13 Sep 2009 02:26 #17482

  • quixorbl
Thanks for the tip, Rage@Machine.  I am definitely in the house too much most days.  On the bright side, I got through shabbos without any trouble.  Something about being forbidden to use the computer on Shabbat manages to stop me.  Go figure.
Last Edit: by Simcha1234.
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