Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey
(0 viewing) 
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 122451 Views

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 30 Jul 2018 20:13 #334102

  • mzl
  • Current streak: 28 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 996
Artfully written as usual but doesn't ring a bell. However I register from you wrote that I actually got under somebody's skin, which is news to me (but hard data.)

Cordnoy doesn't sound to me like he is in a good place. Sorry. And I resent his targeting me.

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 30 Jul 2018 21:12 #334104

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11442
  • Karma: 567
Cordnoy ain't runnin' a popularity contest.

There is a common decency and a basic semblance of respect to another that one - if he truly wants to help another - would take a few minutes to read up on the history of the fellow he's really tryin' to help. Just to ask questions, insinuate thin's, use your own perspective, decide what it is the other guy needs or wants is just plain haughtiness. It's the difference between a basement dwellin', pajama-clad blogger, and a concerned, carin', איש את רעהו יאמרו חזק type of guy.

Cordnoy has not been targetin' you. As a matter of fact, he has been consistently raisin' your karma. (Sadly, it seems you have ruffled some feathers, and it's difficult for the positive side to gain traction.) Take a look at your last 15 posts and see who clicked "thank you."

And if Cordnoy is in a bad place or not, he welcomes all comments. I believe he has three threads in the most recent posts section (past three or four pages).

Godspeed to all!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 30 Jul 2018 21:33 #334105

  • MBJ
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 633
  • Karma: 112
Cordnoy, you know I love you and I always will.

Dov, thank you for the point. You are right in your diyuk, between making her happy and doing right by her. I actually was thinking something like that on my drive home today. I can't control her, nothing at all. However, I made a commitment to her by taking her as my wife. And as long as I continue to have her as my wife then I have the responsibility to be the best husband that I can be, regardless of her she treats me. So I need to do the best that I can. The rest is out of my hands.

It was after that thought that I was finally able to say, "thank you Hashem for my wife". No qualifications
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov
Last Edit: 30 Jul 2018 21:44 by MBJ.

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 30 Jul 2018 21:41 #334108

  • MBJ
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 633
  • Karma: 112
mzl wrote on 30 Jul 2018 16:22:

MBJ wrote on 30 Jul 2018 13:09:

Still I have been pulling away from her recently, tired of getting smacked down and rejected. I realize now that has been a mistake. It goes back to a lesson that I had learned a while ago but forgot. It is my job to make her happy, not necessarily the other way around. Still it's lonely.



Why do you think she's doing that? Is she angry and being vindicative? Do you turn her off because you are old or overweight but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Does she not love you but thought you would be someone to lean on? Does it bother her that you need it so badly because if she doesn't give it to you that implies that she's a horrible person?

Sorry, none of that rings true. The best answer that I can come up with is that when she became a mother, I took a back seat. Certainly our sexual relationship did, but so did I. Still years later and still having little kids that has not changed. Just a radical shift in priority. I don't know this for sure, because she won't talk about it. 

My biggest fear is that one day there will be no kids in the house to take care of and then there won't be a marriage left either. Another thing I can't say to her.
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 30 Jul 2018 21:51 #334109

  • Dov
  • OFFLINE
  • Administrator
  • Baby-steps; Easy does it.
  • Posts: 1919
  • Karma: 355
MBJ wrote on 30 Jul 2018 21:33:
Cordnoy, you know I love you and I always will.

Dov, thank you for the point. You are right in your diyuk, between making her happy and doing right by her. I actually was thinking something like that on my drive home today. I can't control her, nothing at all. However, I made a commitment to her by taking her as my wife. And as long as I continue to have her as my wife then I have the responsibility to be the best husband that I can be, regardless of her she treats me. So I need to do the best that I can. The rest is out of my hands.

It was after that thought that I was finally able to say, "thank you Hashem for my wife". No qualifications

Wow. Look at the first sentence you quoted in the footer under your posts. You're bringing it to life!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 31 Jul 2018 02:51 #334119

  • mzl
  • Current streak: 28 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 996

Sorry, none of that rings true. The best answer that I can come up with is that when she became a mother, I took a back seat. Certainly our sexual relationship did, but so did I. Still years later and still having little kids that has not changed. Just a radical shift in priority. I don't know this for sure, because she won't talk about it.


I just listed some examples. You are the world's greatest expert on yourself. And the answer doesn't have to be easy. But feeling better about it once and for all depends on internalizing exactly where she's coming from.

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 31 Jul 2018 03:57 #334121

  • i-man
  • Current streak: 1 day
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 513
  • Karma: 55
MBJ you are very inspiring, you describe a difficult matzav  yet ,you reach out to Hashem ,  try to make things work , and do what you feel is the right thing . most of us have various challenges  and nisyonos  and reading about the good work you do gives me a feeling of strength in my life,

Hatzlacha!

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 31 Jul 2018 17:30 #334137

  • elul
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 9
  • Karma: 6
I just want to apologise for enjoying the back and forth.

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 31 Jul 2018 20:21 #334142

  • Dov
  • OFFLINE
  • Administrator
  • Baby-steps; Easy does it.
  • Posts: 1919
  • Karma: 355
Why apologize, chaver? Of course it's fun. Even if loose threads are left hanging, good questions eventually help someone.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 02 Aug 2018 02:34 #334197

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 1769 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2780
I hope everyone reading this forum realizes that Dov and Cordnoy have dedicated enormous amounts of time helping many many people - on the forums, on the phone, and in person. Nobody has to agree with anyone's opinions here, however we have to respect each person's right to have an opinion. And the wise person will do even more than just respect the opinions of those who have successfully steered so many strugglers to safety...…...
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 23 Sep 2019 07:53 #343721

  • MBJ
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 633
  • Karma: 112
I guess this is my new procedure. Come once a year and post how things are going. And once again nothing good to report. 

I do my thing, and I really have no guilt about it. No pleasure either, but no guilt. Tha is why I won't stop, because I don't care. One day I'll go to a therapist. But chances are that day will never come. 

Not even sure why I am posting here. I still feel cheated. Inferred promises made but not kept.
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 23 Sep 2019 11:34 #343722

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 1769 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2780
If you didn't care you would not have posted buddy. People who don't care laugh at GYE or deny its existence. Guys that come onto the site and especially those that post are hurting and care very deeply. Maybe they don't know how to proceed, maybe they feel yi'ush, but boy do they care - deep in their gut. A post like yours, to me, looks like a cry for help. I am here and so are many others. Grab on to our hands.   May Hashem give you true yishuv hada'as.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 23 Sep 2019 17:48 #343726

  • Dave M
  • Current streak: 999 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 404
  • Karma: 28
I just spent some time reading through this thread.  Only got through page 10 since this is a really long one.  But the give and take between Dov and MBJ is incredible.  A real storybook of one's journey of highs and lows.  Very inspiring.

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 23 Sep 2019 18:08 #343727

  • stillgoing
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1689
  • Karma: 155
MBJ wrote on 23 Sep 2019 07:53:
I guess this is my new procedure. Come once a year and post how things are going. And once again nothing good to report. 

I do my thing, and I really have no guilt about it. No pleasure either, but no guilt. Tha is why I won't stop, because I don't care. One day I'll go to a therapist. But chances are that day will never come. 

Not even sure why I am posting here. I still feel cheated. Inferred promises made but not kept.

What were the promises?
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: MBJ's 90 day (and more) Journey 23 Sep 2019 19:14 #343730

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11442
  • Karma: 567
Dave M wrote on 23 Sep 2019 17:48:
I just spent some time reading through this thread.  Only got through page 10 since this is a really long one.  But the give and take between Dov and MBJ is incredible.  A real storybook of one's journey of highs and lows.  Very inspiring.

Very commendable of you. Givin' advice without readin' the fellows story is almost as valuable as the sweet nothin's whispered in your ear by the woman in the club.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Time to create page: 0.55 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes