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TOPIC: Not given up yet 3702 Views

Re: Not given up yet 30 May 2022 16:13 #381360

  • Vehkam
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it sounds like you are doing amazing, but are still frustrated.

It is normal for you to be easily triggered when this struggle is in the forefront of your mind.

i have found in the past that saying a kpittel tehillim as soon as that situation arises can help with this. instead of becoming a problem, it becomes an opportunity to become closer to hashem.

edit - my suggestion is for when a situation arises, (e.g. you come across a large inappropriate billboard unexpectedly) before you start have any thoughts.  Once you start actually having unwanted thoughts the best advice is to move on to other thoughts and not to focus on fighting (as other posters have suggested)
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The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
Last Edit: 30 May 2022 20:04 by Vehkam.

Re: Not given up yet 30 May 2022 18:55 #381361

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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Goldfish wrote on 30 May 2022 15:30:
Not going so well. I find lust in random things. It doesn't take looking at porn or even lusting about women to get me aroused. It can be an insinuation in a comment or a random stupid thought popping in my head. It doesn't help having coarse co-workers who can laugh about anything including highly inappropiate insinuations. sigh. Still keeping it up though, haven't touched myself or looked at obscene material for weeks already.

Hey Goldfish. It sounds like you might need to work on understanding how thoughts work. There are good books on intrusive thoughts that might help you. The idea is that just because a thought comes into your mind, you do not have to continue thinking about it. I know this will sound obvious to some, but to those who struggle with intrusive thoughts, this is not at all obvious. If you have something else to think about, you can simply move on.
For example, someone says something that makes your mind turn towards a lustful thought. Okay, now your there. Next step? Simply move on to the next task at hand in your day!

I am convinced this is the only way to handle unwanted thoughts. Is it hard? At first.
As long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

As
long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

Re: Not given up yet 30 May 2022 19:31 #381362

  • Yissie
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There is a book titled You Can Be Happy No Matter What which I found very helpful in controlling, or more accurately, redirecting, my thoughts. He is discussing being happy and not having thoughts that make you depressed. After reading 5Uu80*cdwB#^'s post, maybe it is something that can work for this issue too. His ideas are very much based on this idea from 5Uu80*cdwB#^.

Re: Not given up yet 07 Jun 2022 15:59 #381568

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not coping.shavuos was alright. feeling so aroused now. I want to masturbate. I got my 30 day streak. what more could i need.....
Still Struggling, But I Won't Give Up



ר׳ יוסי אומר: טוב עשרה טפחים ועומד ממאה אמה ונופל (אבות דרבי נתן א:ז)
Last Edit: 07 Jun 2022 16:03 by Goldfish. Reason: loshon nekiah. I don't have to fail in every other area just cos i want to masturbate

Re: Not given up yet 07 Jun 2022 17:35 #381573

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Goldfish wrote on 07 Jun 2022 15:59:
not coping.shavuos was alright. feeling so aroused now. I want to masturbate. I got my 30 day streak. what more could i need.....

You need (and you deserve) one thing...
TODAY!
That's all... You have 30 clean days, so give yourself a treat, "one day clean". We'll discuss the acting out for tomorrow.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Not given up yet 07 Jun 2022 17:40 #381576

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FYI i did fall. maybe i'll get up again. not feeling so well. I just don't believe its ever going to be possible to hold of longer.
Still Struggling, But I Won't Give Up



ר׳ יוסי אומר: טוב עשרה טפחים ועומד ממאה אמה ונופל (אבות דרבי נתן א:ז)

Re: Not given up yet 07 Jun 2022 18:22 #381580

  • Vehkam
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i'm sorry that you are not feeling well. when you are ready to get back up (hopefully soon!) hashem will be right there waiting to help you get up. That doesn't mean it won't be work, it just means that you should never feel that you are alone in this struggle.

try reading the addendum to chapter 10 in the battle of the generation (its in the back) .... i believe that may be very helpful for you.
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Not given up yet 07 Jun 2022 19:09 #381585

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I am sorry to here that you are not feeling well. But where did this "belief" of yours come into the picture. You did not fail. You succeeded for 30 days. That is a complete success that cannot be taken away.

Re: Not given up yet 07 Jun 2022 19:18 #381586

  • yechielmichel
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Goldfish wrote on 07 Jun 2022 17:40:
FYI i did fall. maybe i'll get up again. not feeling so well. I just don't believe its ever going to be possible to hold of longer.

(I didn't read your whole thread to see if this is your first time reaching 30)
In my person experience, around 30 days, and around 60 days are harder. I think the body is used to the physical release. That's why the urge gets stronger, and even if you don't give in to it, many have wet dreams at that point. But once you ride the wave of the urge, and it eventualy goes away, it becomes easier as time goes by. This was my personal experience that many seem to share.
Point is, its natural, nothing to beat yourself up over. Just start again. Ride the waves. Sometimes obsessing over counting days can actually cause the problems, so don't give it too much thought. Get busy with life.

Re: Not given up yet 07 Jun 2022 20:38 #381589

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yechielmichel wrote on 07 Jun 2022 19:18:

Goldfish wrote on 07 Jun 2022 17:40:
FYI i did fall. maybe i'll get up again. not feeling so well. I just don't believe its ever going to be possible to hold of longer.

(I didn't read your whole thread to see if this is your first time reaching 30)
In my person experience, around 30 days, and around 60 days are harder. I think the body is used to the physical release. That's why the urge gets stronger, and even if you don't give in to it, many have wet dreams at that point. But once you ride the wave of the urge, and it eventualy goes away, it becomes easier as time goes by. This was my personal experience that many seem to share.
Point is, its natural, nothing to beat yourself up over. Just start again. Ride the waves. Sometimes obsessing over counting days can actually cause the problems, so don't give it too much thought. Get busy with life.

Excellent post.  In addition, the second 30 is easier than the first 30. The body is being trained to live happily without it...
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My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Not given up yet 09 Jun 2022 20:09 #381719

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Just to clarify better my position at the moment. 2 days ago i masturbated but yesterday i did much worse. I wasted a relatively large amount of money and bought a small device with browsing access. After a few hours of looking at revolting content of extreme sexual nature i destroyed it beyond repair. Its not the first time I've done it. i have eliminated most options so successfully that the only solution when i'm craving it is to waste a large amount of money. Anyway, today has been relatively well but I don't believe in myself so i don't really imagine myself mannaging long term but with hashem's help everything is possible. thanks everyone for your support.
Still Struggling, But I Won't Give Up



ר׳ יוסי אומר: טוב עשרה טפחים ועומד ממאה אמה ונופל (אבות דרבי נתן א:ז)

Re: Not given up yet 10 Jun 2022 11:26 #381746

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One cannot diagnose from an anonymous forum, so please take what i write with more than a few grains of salt. 



What you describe sounds like the actions of an addict. You wrote that you have done this in the past as well - spending a large amount of money to by a device and then destroy it shortly after. If this has happened a few times it probably would be advisable to get a sponsor from SA involved. SA works BH very well for the great guys who are addicts and honest about it. SA is not a death sentence - it is a lifesaver for those who need it. Of course this post is just my opinion.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Not given up yet 10 Jun 2022 14:39 #381753

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I would also add some identifying Characteristics of Sex and Porn Addicts, so you can review and try to identify where you stand...

1. Addicts use sexual fantasy and masturbation to avoid feelings.
2. Compulsive sexuality becomes a drug, used to escape emotional and psychological discomfort.
3. porn addicts can be frozen by romantic and sexual obsessions, neglecting other aspects of life.
4. Sex and porn become a distraction, a time-killer, a reward, and a punishment.
5. Porn are used as a replacement for self-esteem, (temporarily) helping users feel validated and complete.
6. porn is used for intensity and excitement, and to cover ever-increasing feelings of emptiness.
7. sex is compartmentalized, rather than holistically integrated into life.
8. Sexually compulsive people struggle to distinguish between sex, love, and affection.
9. Other people are idealized and endowed with “magical” qualities, with the magic disappearing after acting out.
10. addicts are often drawn to emotionally unavailable and/or abusive partners.
11. In relationships, addicts feel smothered. Out of relationships, they feel empty and incomplete.
12. addicts often find that the desperation of their need to connect makes true intimacy nearly impossible.
13. When  addicts are in a relationship, it’s not enough for them, and they continue to chase other people and relationships.
14. Addicts, no matter how many relationships they’re in and how much sex they’re having, feel isolated and alone.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 10 Jun 2022 14:40 by DavidT.

Re: Not given up yet 06 Jul 2022 12:14 #382926

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I haven't been doing very well. I am getting more convinced i might have addictive tendencies, but the likelihood of me doing SA is not very high. I am also not doing well in other areas of life such as keeping my diet up so its hard to know whats the cause and whats the effect. I have problems with connecting with the reality around me and that might be a factor in my other problems.
Still Struggling, But I Won't Give Up



ר׳ יוסי אומר: טוב עשרה טפחים ועומד ממאה אמה ונופל (אבות דרבי נתן א:ז)

Re: Not given up yet 06 Jul 2022 15:22 #382944

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Keep up the good work. I mean it. You have in your signature that you won't give up. As long as you keep going. You are going in the right direction.

When I told my rebbi that I think I was not simply struggling, but I was addicted. He told me so what. Even a complete addict has the ability to change, even if it may be a little harder. There is no point of no return. It may be that you need outside help, אין חבוש מתיר עצמו מבית האסורים. This is once a person is "locked" in his problems. But even if someone is there, there is always work you can do yourself. No one will actually help you, they will help you help yourself. (I probably sound like my rebbi and therapist mixed in one. sorry about that.)

I remember reading on GYE somewhere that lack of connection causes p and m, which in turn increases problems in connection. It is a dangerous cycle. I assume that there are many other things that are very similar, like dieting, although to a lesser degree. The question is giving up a short-term pleasure for a long term gain is difficult if you do not have the connection to reality. And instead of confronting your issue directly, we tend to just deny the reality and keep the cycle.
The solution is generally working on connecting to people around you. This idea of connecting with people is to keep us connected to the real world around us. And as they say the opposite of addiction is not sobriety; the opposite of addiction is connection. 
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