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Re: First time posting about myself 23 Nov 2022 06:20 #388142

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ANIY MASKIM UR A ONCE OF JOY  ISEE KEEP UP THE HELP IN BEING THERE FOR OTHERS AND ME ty
To my dear friend reading this:
You are an incredible yid for just being on this site, I am breath taken after each post or new person that comes on and shares a bit about himself, keep it up. You guys are mamash matzlichim in your own ways of growth and Hashem is proud of each one of you! (that includes me too) lol.

KEEP UP YOUR TREMENDOUS UPLIFTING IN THE AVODAH OF EMES!!

Thanks for reading! Stay shtark, I am also being challenged, just build your confidence, never quit no matter what, you are your strongest enemy and yet you are your strongest savior so you choose, I am not saying it's easy but am saying it's possible just takes effort and work!!
-from Emes-A-Yid

Re: First time posting about myself 23 Nov 2022 09:38 #388145

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Shalom Aleichem, 
What an inspirational forum, @taherlibeinu I really relate to your posts as I feel similarly about tumah vs kedushah I see you are fighting an uphill battle, but I also see that you are also trying to make it a downhill battle by getting an army, we are your army, keep posting and keep us updated, I see you are aware not to ever get overconfident in fighting this battle because then you are on your own. Fight one day at a time as in the poem.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said... Yesterday is gone
--------------------------
The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversaries, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow for it is as yet unborn..
------------------------------
This leaves only one day... TODAY. Any man can fight the battle of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful entities... Yesterday & Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives men mad – it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

LET US, THEREFORE, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

Hashem does not want us to control what we can't He wants us to control what we can.

Another thing that I learned is to Daaven for the person that I am lusting after, it turns them from object to human. I believe some Tanaim did such. Rabban Gamliel comes to mind when he ran into a lady he said ma rabu maasecha Hashem. Principle, if I fight the battle then Hashem isn't there, If I allow Hashem in the battle, the battle is already won. Application, If I see a sight and I am trying to not run with it, the thought will run me over. If I give thought to the situation involving Hashem, i.e. "I don't know what that person's day is going to look like, Hashem please give her much blessing and success to tackle the day". Then Hashem fights the battle for me.

All the best!
Misgaber
Last Edit: 23 Nov 2022 09:42 by Misgaber96.

Re: First time posting about myself 23 Nov 2022 14:19 #388154

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Misgaber96 wrote on 23 Nov 2022 09:38:
Shalom Aleichem, 
What an inspirational forum, @taherlibeinu I really relate to your posts as I feel similarly about tumah vs kedushah I see you are fighting an uphill battle, but I also see that you are also trying to make it a downhill battle by getting an army, we are your army, keep posting and keep us updated, I see you are aware not to ever get overconfident in fighting this battle because then you are on your own. Fight one day at a time as in the poem.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said... Yesterday is gone
--------------------------
The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversaries, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow for it is as yet unborn..
------------------------------
This leaves only one day... TODAY. Any man can fight the battle of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful entities... Yesterday & Tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives men mad – it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

LET US, THEREFORE, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

Hashem does not want us to control what we can't He wants us to control what we can.

Another thing that I learned is to Daaven for the person that I am lusting after, it turns them from object to human. I believe some Tanaim did such. Rabban Gamliel comes to mind when he ran into a lady he said ma rabu maasecha Hashem. Principle, if I fight the battle then Hashem isn't there, If I allow Hashem in the battle, the battle is already won. Application, If I see a sight and I am trying to not run with it, the thought will run me over. If I give thought to the situation involving Hashem, i.e. "I don't know what that person's day is going to look like, Hashem please give her much blessing and success to tackle the day". Then Hashem fights the battle for me.

All the best!
Misgaber

I found this post and the poem so insightful and useful in a practical way. Thank you!!

Re: First time posting about myself 29 Nov 2022 19:16 #388526

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Wow. I identify with your story word by word. Let me tell you that you are not at all alone in the battle, i got so much jizuk from these words. You are truly valuable never forget that. Keep up the good work may H help you succeed in all aspects of your life.

Re: First time posting about myself 30 Nov 2022 09:48 #388572

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12 days toiveling in the mikvah of kedusha v'tahara.. onwards and upwards! Many thanks all for your messages of chizuk, it really means a lot. I realised 30 days for me is Erev Chanukah.. would be tremendous to reach this milestone on Chanukah!
Last Edit: 30 Nov 2022 09:48 by taherlibeinu.

Re: First time posting about myself 30 Nov 2022 16:58 #388596

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We are all rooting for you! Please update to us and keep in touch

Re: First time posting about myself 02 Dec 2022 09:33 #388754

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14 days.Have a wonderful shabbos. on Motzei Shabbos baby sitting. BH i hope to report back that all was good!
Last Edit: 02 Dec 2022 09:34 by taherlibeinu.

Re: First time posting about myself 09 Dec 2022 10:44 #389199

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BH 21 days toiveling in the mikvah of kedusha v'tahara..
Wishing this Choshuv Olam a wonderful Shabbos

Re: First time posting about myself 09 Dec 2022 12:33 #389205

Love the idea of davening for the other person. 

but even if it is a goyish woman on the street? 

to what extent? 
Challenge accepted!

If you figured out my identity, don't be shy, come say hi! 
It takes tons of courage to fight the good fight, but we don't have to do it all alone. 

My Story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/385922-My-Story-Being-Honest-For-Once

Re: First time posting about myself 09 Dec 2022 15:31 #389208

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iLoveHashem247 wrote on 09 Dec 2022 12:33:
Love the idea of davening for the other person. 

but even if it is a goyish woman on the street? 

to what extent? 

Personally, the prayin' for the woman concept never really spoke to me, but that's fine.
Regardin' prayers for a non-Jew, didn't Moshe daven on behalf of the Mitzriyim? Didn't Shlomo HaMelech institute a tefillah on behalf of all non-Jews who come visit the Beis haMikdash?

Godspeed to all!
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Re: First time posting about myself 11 Dec 2022 03:02 #389239

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taherlibeinu wrote on 01 Sep 2021 12:10:
HI Everyone,

Firstly I just want to echo much of what has been said. This is a tremendous site. Tremendous Yashar Koach to those who founded it. 

I just want to share my story. I hope it will help people as well as myself. I am in my 30's with BH an incredibly loving family... but my story begins way before then.. 

I grew up back in the late 90's/0's in what can probably be defined as a modern orthodox home. Back then the internet was just coming to the forefront. There wasn't such a thing as a filter on both TV or computer (not that it is an excuse!) download speeds were about 3KB! Unfortunately there was still pornography.. I quickly became completely hooked acting out most days. In fact throughout my teenagehood i don't think once i went from Shabbos to Shabbos without slipping up. Somehow at the same time i grew in Yiddishkeite, I had this tremendous thirst for learning Torah and closeness to the Ribbono Shel Olam, i went through incredible highs of learning and focusing on Limud Hatorah and then a fall.. a cycle which am sure you are familiar with. 
Like you all i didn't want to let anyone know about it so i suffered in silence. Throughout Yeshiva (which i did much better - went nearly 2 months at one point with no fall) and then after.. I went through a lot in my early 20's but my addiction was always with me.. In Yeshiva i met with a Rabbi/Physcologist and discussed this issue but it didn't really help.

As i have grown up I realise how this is so much a part of me but at the same time not. I am able at sometimes to go long periods without acting out and then all of a sudden i fall.. as an addict - and yes that is exactly what i am - i know that the only way i have a chance is to completely limit my access to such material. I don't have a smart phone and my laptop has webchaver installed which my wife gets emails for. It took me so long to get this installed but it is amazing to know that someone is looking at what i look at and it really helps stop the urge. Yet somehow there seems to always be a way for me to fall.. for example yesterday i came across my wifes old Iphone.. whilst i didn't go the full way i had a complete fall in terms of what i saw. I threw away the old charger so for now i cannot use it again but i will also remove the phone. 

Despite these fallbacks I am determined to succeed. The greatest power the Yetzer Harah has is one of despair. Don't ever let it fool you into thinking you are too far gone.. 

I wanted to list out some of the things that helped me.. You will know most if not all of them but just in case it helps is worth mentioning.

1) Make it as difficult as possible to access pornographic material. Many of my sudden urges all come because i realise there is an "opening" to see something inappropriate. If you close the loophole often the urges might not come as often or as strong. This is absolutely critical - without this we are not giving ourselves the chance we deserve. Not having a smartphone is one of the biggest blessings in my life. Do not think for one minute it will impact your Parnassah. He who gives Parnassah is perfectly able to give me what i need without requiring a smartphone. 
2) Have hobbies, be involved in other things.. whether it is a board for a charity/shul or chavruta or seeing friends. especially if you are single fill your day and give yourself less of a chance. 
3) I keep a Cheshbon Hanefesh, i try each day to write in it and i keep track of how many days there. I list my goals and thank Hashem for everything each day. It is a very powerful tool. Accountability is also important, if i fall i try give Tzedaka afterwards and i fast half day on the following Sunday. These are not extreme things but i make sure to do them as a form of Teshuva. After that i move on.
4) Rav Moshe Weinberger Shlita has incredible shiurim on this topic. He has a Chaburas Yosef Hatzadik which deals precisely with this inyan. There is also a hidden gem of a shiur on YU torah which he has about this - www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/914698/rabbi-moshe-weinberger/kedusha-is-it-within-our-reach/ I cannot recommend this highly enough. I try jogging at least twice a week and i often listen to this shiur  
5) I am talking to myself here -- Remember He who put you on this world gave you this challenge. He knows you and He has given you the kochos you need to win this battle. One day you will have to go back to him with to paraphrase Ki Tzavo "Your Basket of fruit" all your Mitzvot and deeds. You have the opportunity whilst here to make a difference, to do so much good. "The day after" i have to remind myself. If Hashem let me wake up today its because He trusts in me. If He didn't want me here He is perfectly able to take me anytime He wills. I am here because He believes in me. Its time to believe in myself also.
6) Daven, Daven and Daven some more. Hashem is here to help, He wants to help us. I pray He gives me strength and may He help you too. 

For me my next step is to seriously take on the 90 day challenge.. 30 days has been my average period recently apart from the odd time over Pesach when i went 50+ days, my last fall yesterday was 21 days which is not good. One day at a time but for me bring on 90 days! I pray that with the Ribbono Shel Olam's help i will achieve this.. 90 days takes me to Tuesday 30th November. Please Hashem help me to get there. 

If you are still reading.. thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. BH you should be matzliach in your own Nisyonos. May Hashem grant us all a Shana Tova Umetuka.

It is very appreciating to hear your story going to the first post on your forum, I see within this time you had done 21 days from 1 which is incredible a FULL 3 WEEKS! almost a month, half of shavvaim, it's only great news.. I am in it with you keep it going my friend, if there is anything I can do let me know. Keep it up bzh you also dipping daily is unfathomable to me personally because most I usually do is erev shabbos. Keep it up and onwards!! I don't know your background or age and what you do, but seeing that you have done accomplished before and now almost reaching to exceed that with such encouragement of things you have listed is outrages!!


I am excited to stay tuned with you and bzh together we can stay metaheer.

Hatzlacha
emesayid
To my dear friend reading this:
You are an incredible yid for just being on this site, I am breath taken after each post or new person that comes on and shares a bit about himself, keep it up. You guys are mamash matzlichim in your own ways of growth and Hashem is proud of each one of you! (that includes me too) lol.

KEEP UP YOUR TREMENDOUS UPLIFTING IN THE AVODAH OF EMES!!

Thanks for reading! Stay shtark, I am also being challenged, just build your confidence, never quit no matter what, you are your strongest enemy and yet you are your strongest savior so you choose, I am not saying it's easy but am saying it's possible just takes effort and work!!
-from Emes-A-Yid
Last Edit: 11 Dec 2022 03:05 by Emes-a-Yid. Reason: editing correction

Re: First time posting about myself 14 Dec 2022 18:15 #389416

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Thanks everyone for the continued chizuk..

Have been reading a lot of posts here from people like me who were strong then fell then got back up again and started again.. This made me want to post this shiur.. It is from Rav Moshe Weinberger Shlita and it sums up this inyan so well. www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/1029668/rabbi-moshe-weinberger/address-at-ncsy-teen-boys-fabrengen/  Tremendous tremendous shiur. Hashem might give us these inyanim but BH He also gives us Rav Weinberger.

On a seperate not something has helped me is to bring something new to each day.. Yesterday for me was day 26.. this is Gematria of Shem Hashem.. what a tremendous day.. an incredible opportunity.. Today is 27 - The Tehillim of Hashem Ori V'yishi.. incredible. tomorrow is day 28 - 28.. 28 is a perfect number (for those mathematically inclined).. No coincidence every 28 years we recite Bircas Hachama.. each day has a unique aspect to it.. its not just one day to the next.

To finish with a number i hope to get too.. my Father told me in the name of a Rav in London (Rabbi Dunner) that the Gematria of Yisroel and Yaakov Ben Rivka are identical.. both 541.. BH we'll get there and can think more about that idea then but possibly one reason is because whether you feel downtrodden, lower then the heal of a foot or on top of the world your still the same person.. still a chashuve yid  - this doesn't change!

Have a wonderful day to one and all.. and BH we will be strong. 

From a fellow moon person..

Re: First time posting about myself 27 Dec 2022 22:11 #390129

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Re: First time posting about myself 29 Dec 2022 10:46 #390250

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So Baruch Hashem passed the 40 day mark yesterday. Lots of work still to do but with Hashems help will keep moving forwards. One thing worth noting is that I realise that change in this area comes in steps. Rather like when you are in Yeshiva, often you don't see the day to day improvement in your learning but that doesn't mean you are not getting better.

It used to be that certain sudden urges would pull me strongly to give in. Now i text my partner and list out my feelings. This is a massive help as it makes me stop and realise what i want. The YH wants you to act quickly.. quick run to the computer, turn it on and don't think.. but sometimes you need to go against that just a little bit.. reach out and let someone else know how you are feeling.  Just the other day I had exactly that, a really strong sudden urge, the biggest challenge for me was to reach out - that in itself is 80% of the battle as it removes the isolation factor which is what allows me to fall time and time again - the feeling of I am alone and I can do what I like.

Real growth, real and genuine growth in this area is not instant. It takes time and work. But there is a Guarantor on High who guarantees success for those who try. Looking back over the past year or so Baruch Hashem i can see the growth in me, to have reached 100 days earlier in the year is something i use as a marker of success and it drives me forward to get there again. Yes there might well have been bumps along the way but that is part of the journey, I don't live in a bubble wrapped life, there are challenges I would love to avoid but sometimes can't. The game changer is how I manage that choice when it comes about - to paraphrase something I heard from Rabbi Paysach Krohn, "Hashem I might be in a test right now, and if this is a test I am going to pass it 100%". Just those words themselves are magical.. to say them is to invite Hashem into my test, to invite Him into my world right now, how special is that! Isn't that the essence of what I am trying to achieve anyway, to live each day with Hashem at the centre of my life.. 

Wishing this holy and chashuv olam all much Hatzlacha and may we all live with Hashem at the centre of our lives.

Re: First time posting about myself 29 Dec 2022 14:04 #390253

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taherlibeinu wrote on 29 Dec 2022 10:46:
So Baruch Hashem passed the 40 day mark yesterday. Lots of work still to do but with Hashems help will keep moving forwards. One thing worth noting is that I realise that change in this area comes in steps. Rather like when you are in Yeshiva, often you don't see the day to day improvement in your learning but that doesn't mean you are not getting better.

It used to be that certain sudden urges would pull me strongly to give in. Now i text my partner and list out my feelings. This is a massive help as it makes me stop and realise what i want. The YH wants you to act quickly.. quick run to the computer, turn it on and don't think.. but sometimes you need to go against that just a little bit.. reach out and let someone else know how you are feeling.  Just the other day I had exactly that, a really strong sudden urge, the biggest challenge for me was to reach out - that in itself is 80% of the battle as it removes the isolation factor which is what allows me to fall time and time again - the feeling of I am alone and I can do what I like.

Real growth, real and genuine growth in this area is not instant. It takes time and work. But there is a Guarantor on High who guarantees success for those who try. Looking back over the past year or so Baruch Hashem i can see the growth in me, to have reached 100 days earlier in the year is something i use as a marker of success and it drives me forward to get there again. Yes there might well have been bumps along the way but that is part of the journey, I don't live in a bubble wrapped life, there are challenges I would love to avoid but sometimes can't. The game changer is how I manage that choice when it comes about - to paraphrase something I heard from Rabbi Paysach Krohn, "Hashem I might be in a test right now, and if this is a test I am going to pass it 100%". Just those words themselves are magical.. to say them is to invite Hashem into my test, to invite Him into my world right now, how special is that! Isn't that the essence of what I am trying to achieve anyway, to live each day with Hashem at the centre of my life.. 

Wishing this holy and chashuv olam all much Hatzlacha and may we all live with Hashem at the centre of our lives.

Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing. May you have continued success. 
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