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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 19 May 2022 17:29 #380936

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Vehkam wrote on 19 May 2022 17:25:
Let’s lower the temperature here….it is a perspective that some people will identify with and some people will not.

There is no one answer fits all.

youre right , i shouldnt get so steamed up over whatever people post,ty!
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 19 May 2022 18:02 #380937

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Vehkam wrote on 19 May 2022 17:25:
Let’s lower the temperature here….it is a perspective that some people will identify with and some people will not.

There is no one answer fits all.

ty, i just deleted my high temperature posts
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 19 May 2022 18:18 #380940

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Vehkam wrote on 19 May 2022 17:25:
Let’s lower the temperature here….it is a perspective that some people will identify with and some people will not.

There is no one answer fits all.

I wonder if people are bothered by the perspective itself or if they are bothered by the way the perspective is presented?

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 19 May 2022 18:22 #380943

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You are a good man. You put a lot of effort into writing a bunch of positive posts.

Take the constructive portion of any criticism and keep on writing!!
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some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 19 May 2022 18:25 #380944

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Shmuel wrote on 19 May 2022 18:18:

Vehkam wrote on 19 May 2022 17:25:
Let’s lower the temperature here….it is a perspective that some people will identify with and some people will not.

There is no one answer fits all.

I wonder if people are bothered by the perspective itself or if they are bothered by the way the perspective is presented?

this post was withheld for the sake of Shalom
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 19 May 2022 18:28 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 19 May 2022 18:28 #380945

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sleepy wrote on 19 May 2022 18:25:

Shmuel wrote on 19 May 2022 18:18:

Vehkam wrote on 19 May 2022 17:25:
Let’s lower the temperature here….it is a perspective that some people will identify with and some people will not.

There is no one answer fits all.

I wonder if people are bothered by the perspective itself or if they are bothered by the way the perspective is presented?

for the sake of Shalom this post was withheld

צדיק!!

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 19 May 2022 23:48 #380953

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.
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 20 May 2022 01:10 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 20 May 2022 00:14 #380955

Lustfull wrote on 19 May 2022 15:01:

sleepy wrote on 19 May 2022 09:05:
you know, we daven for something, and we daven and daven, and it seems that we are not getting for what we davened for, and since we are maaminin, what do we tell ourselves? Hashem said no, Hashem knows whats good for us and this thing that we are asking for right now is not good for us. of course no Tefila goes to waste and one day it will work for you when you really need it etc. thats one of the ways we answer ourselves why we didnt get what we wanted.
but there is something that if we daven for it ,Hashem will definitly say YES! and that is things of ruchniyus , The sefer haChasidim(from the rishonim) said so and its brought in the name of the Chazon Ish ztl the same thing. 
its based on the pasuk KAROV HASHEM LICHOL KORAV, LICHOL ASHER YIKRAOOHOO BEMES-HASHEM IS CLOSE  TO ALL THAT CALL OUT TO HIM IN TRUTH what does it mean to call out to Hashem b'Emes-in Truth ?To daven to Hashem on TRUE  things, things  of Ruchniyus are called True things,things of gashmiyus are called false things(of course we should Daven for everything we want , but we have a GAURENTEE that Hashem will always say YES on True things, other things that are not true, Hashem may say no.)
with this in mind,in our battle if we only believed and experienced that there is something TRULY much sweeter than porn and masterbation and that is Torah,AY , youll say that you dont feel that? well an eitza would be to pour your heart out by Birchas HaTorah by the words VHAAREV NA HASHEM ELOKEYNU ES DIVREI TORAH BIFINU etc-PLEASE HASHEM MAKE THE TORAH SWEET IN OUR MOUTHS etc.
once we experience the sweetness of Torah , we will Beezras Hashem have the tool to enable us to belittle the taava of P and M knowing that this will take us away from Torah .unfortunately , we have never tasted the true sweetness of Torah ,hence our searching out sweetness in P and M.
there are   famous words of the Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh that if yidden would only taste the sweetness of Torah they would abandon everything else and chase Torah like a lion, they made a beautiful song based on those words. HaTorah kolleless kol hatovos shebiolam -The sweetness  of Torah surpasses (includes )all the pleasures of this world(my translation)
Remember KAROV HASHEM LCHOL KOR'OV  LICHOL ASHER YIKRAOOHOO BEMES!
MAY WE ALL BE ZOCHE!

You are a wise man!!

Agreed!!
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 20 May 2022 00:17 #380956

“Let’s not lose our mitzvah of bein Adam lachavero because of our ego”
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 20 May 2022 01:11 #380958

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Shtarkandemotional wrote on 20 May 2022 00:17:
“Let’s not lose our mitzvah of bein Adam lachavero because of our ego”

your right, i took care of what i think you are refering too
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 20 May 2022 08:54 #380967

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Shmuel wrote on 19 May 2022 18:18:

Vehkam wrote on 19 May 2022 17:25:
Let’s lower the temperature here….it is a perspective that some people will identify with and some people will not.

There is no one answer fits all.

I wonder if people are bothered by the perspective itself or if they are bothered by the way the perspective is presented?

Personally, I am bothered by anything that pretends to be a panacea. These sorts of things are impossible to prove or argue with, hence open to abuse. To explain:  Let us say Torah solves porn. Can that be proven? Lets say "Rabbi X said so," although that Rabbi may well be the godol shebegodolim, doesn't mean he is the exclusive voice on a matter. Also, apart from the issue with us suspending our rational faculties and relying on statements of opinion as fact, there is the issue that it can't proved. If someone DOES (in this example) learn Torah lishmo and still struggles, the proposer of the idea will simply say, ah ha, you see, it wasn't really lishmoh! It is an endless cycle that cannot be proven and hence, whether true or not, isn't helpful. The same, by the way, applies to davenning. If you have ever heard the argument made that Hashem would answer positively id you really davenned hard, it is because the person saying that knows fully well they cannot be challenged. They always win the argument as if you don't get, they can say you didn't really daven hard enough. No matter how much you protest, they will stand by their insistence that your tefilla wasn't good enough.

Basically, it is manipulative and callous. It says you failed because of x and you can't do anything about it because no matter what you do, they will insist you continue to fail at x. 
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 20 May 2022 10:57 #380974

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Learning and davening are the two ways that a person can connect to hashem almost instantly. The nesivos Shalom talks about this. One of the ways to overcome these struggles is to be more invested in the connection to hashem. This has worked for me and others as well. I am not suggesting that this will work for everyone and there are certainly wonderful people with strong connections that are struggling.

It may be helpful to take the writing with a grain of salt and see it as a perspective and a method as opposed to a panacea. Hopefully if you do that you will not see it as callous and manipulative. Most often the people struggling and writing here are just trying to pose ideas and suggestions that MAY work regardless of the language and emotional responses that you see.

Just my humble opinion.
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 20 May 2022 11:18 #380975

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Vehkam wrote on 20 May 2022 10:57:
Learning and davening are the two ways that a person can connect to hashem almost instantly. The nesivos Shalom talks about this. One of the ways to overcome these struggles is to be more invested in the connection to hashem. This has worked for me and others as well. I am not suggesting that this will work for everyone and there are certainly wonderful people with strong connections that are struggling.

It may be helpful to take the writing with a grain of salt and see it as a perspective and a method as opposed to a panacea. Hopefully if you do that you will not see it as callous and manipulative. Most often the people struggling and writing here are just trying to pose ideas and suggestions that MAY work regardless of the language and emotional responses that you see.

Just my humble opinion.

For sure. 

But it was clear he was making a statement of totality. A claim that if you call on Hashem B'emes (soemthing impossible to define or test) or learn torah lishmoh then life will suddenly be ok. That isn't right (lfi anius da'ati) in Hashkofo or humanity. 
Sex is a Thneed
A Thneed is something that everyone needs.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 20 May 2022 11:28 #380976

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Maybe he simply wishes to get that madreiga of Torah lishma/dveikus B'Hashem (or whatever terminology that one wants to use), that the nisayon will diminish....   My personal answer to that is that is - of course that should be one's goal, but to the best of my knowledge, the last person in history that killed his yetzer hara was Dovid HaMelech, so we all retain an element of ta'avah, no matter what medreiga one is on. I think Hashem has great nachas from the entire chevra - no matter what mehalech they are using to get clean. This is a massive nisayon affecting numerous great people - yet, the oilam is saying NO! - we will b'ezras Hashem get out of this - and according to each person's techunas hanefesh and life experiences, different methods are more or less successful.

As an aside, it became popular to daven on Lag B'omer at the kever of the Bobover Rebbe zatzal. I decided to join the masses of people there from all walks of life. While there i davened for all of us - the guys struggling with this stuff. When i finished some tehillim, i thought for a minut - what would be the real solution for all of this. And i believe the only real solution is that Hashem will one day blow a ruach tahara onto our world, like the novi says - "U'mala kol ha'aretz de'ah es Hashem". Until then, we need to each help each other while realizing there are different approaches - and that is fine - the goal is the same.
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 20 May 2022 11:36 #380978

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Great points from everyone here!
about davening b'emes, i assume this is included in the machlokes between Rav Chaim Volozhiner and the Chazon Ish about Bitachon.

Either way, something can be true and still not provable.
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