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On board at last
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TOPIC: On board at last 4497 Views

Re: On board at last 16 May 2012 13:06 #137479

  • chaimyakov
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My Friends,
It keeps piling on. This morning(last night) i was awakened to realize that i had just finished a bad dream. As i was cleaning the mess i recalled the last part of the dream. i was m*&^*& and said " Now that i have had sex with myself, i'll have to start over again"

i surrender, i surrender, i surrender
Hashem all i ask for is to be sober, right now, that is all.

Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Re: On board at last 16 May 2012 13:24 #137481

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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CY,

I feel your disappointment. But what happens in your sleep doesn't count for much (unless one brought it about deliberately by having bad thoughts). What the YH really wants is that you should get all depressed over it and give up. Don't hand it to him!!!

Have a gevaldiggg sober day and KOMT!!!

Gevura!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: On board at last 16 May 2012 13:46 #137486

Dear CY

R' Tzadok Hacohen zt"l says (in Tzidkas Hatzadik) that when a person really wants to do Teshuva on Pegam Habris, Hashem sends him an unintended Mikreh (keri), so that he should do Tshuva on that unintended pegam, which is easily forgiven - and once he's at it he can throw in some Tshuva on his intentional pegamim and it will also be accepted. So this is a chessed from Hashem to cleanse a person completely.

I think this is merumaz in the following possuk:
שגיאות מי יבין מנסתרות נקני - גם מזדים חשוך עבדך אז איתם ונקיתי מפשע רב

MT

Re: On board at last 16 May 2012 14:24 #137490

  • AlexEliezer
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When I first got sober, I went over 2 years without a mikra. Then, out of nowhere I had 2 within a couple of weeks. Then none again for another year, though a close call or two. I felt bad, but knew it wasn't anything I did. I wasn't going to let it get in the way of my sobriety.

I'm not going to let anything get in the way of my sobriety.

Keep davening.

I have found that whenever I went through a tough period in my life, for whatever reason, when it passed, life was always better than before the nisayon.

One day at a time bro.

Love,
Alex

Re: On board at last 16 May 2012 14:55 #137496

  • obormottel
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jewish wrote on 16 May 2012 11:59:

And (Ober)Mottel what about you, now that you don't have the normal work and you are having a hard time? There must be something special for you too.

All the best JJ

Thanks for that. This thought occured to me as well
Chaimyakov,
I lost my sobriety in a dream twice in the past month. Both times, in my dream, I knew that I am not supposed to touch myself, and I did it anyways. I was terribly upset that I lost my sobriety over a non-enjoyable encounter with myself, and was very relieved on awakening that it was just a dream.
Perhaps the message is, cherish this feeling of disappointment so that when it comes to a reallife challenge we'll know that we'll be hurt if we act out.
Stay sober today, my friend, and things will lighten up, please G-d.
Mottel
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: On board at last 23 May 2012 13:16 #138095

  • chaimyakov
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B'chasdei HASHEM Yisborach, another sober day, not just a day sober (hameveen yaveen).

The roller coaster ride continues in my personal life. Climb, climb , climb then fall, fall, fall as if there is no end to the falling. Even when coasting along all of a sudden the bottom drops out and its another unforeseen free fall, this time a nefarious character assassination attempt by an SOB who is more attached to money than HASHEM (imho albeit prejudiced).

HASHEM, don't take the challenges away, don't lessen them, let me learn how to live life without my drugs, p**n & m*********n, with only YOU to help me along the path.

Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Re: On board at last 23 May 2012 14:32 #138106

  • obormottel
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Hashem, don't listen to Chaimyakov, and take away his difficulties. Let him learn to depend on You in a pain-less way. Teach him a lesson of Your Love in a revealed way, and may victory over his difficulties bear witness to those he would help of Your Power, Your Love, and Your way of life.
Please keep him sober for another day.
Yours,
Mottel
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: On board at last 23 May 2012 14:43 #138112

See Sanhedrin 107a - One should not ask Hashem for nisyonos, for Dovid Hamelech asked for one and fell through.

MT

Re: On board at last 23 May 2012 14:53 #138113

  • AlexEliezer
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CY, glad to hear you're chugging along.

Re: On board at last 23 May 2012 23:33 #138188

  • chaimyakov
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Thanks friends for the support.

MT, i am not asking to be tested, given my record over the years the safe bet would be against me. The fact is, i am being tested and i don't want it to be taken away. For selfish reasons i want to overcome these obstacles the only way i can today, with HASHEM. This is my life at its best. i know this because HASHEM Himself has designed it just for me. At the end of days they will show me a picture of who i should have been. The only chance i have of looking like the picture is to go through life, tests and all.

Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Re: On board at last 24 May 2012 14:01 #138236

I hear, CY. But how do you deal with davening in the morning "ve'al teviaini lo liydei nisayon"?

MT

Re: On board at last 25 May 2012 13:14 #138329

  • chaimyakov
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MT,
You mean i am supposed to understand and think about what i say during davening?

Don't know what pshat is.
For me, i lived for 30 years using my drug to handle all life had to offer, both "good" and "bad". Now, i am learning how to live life without my drug and all the challenges have to be faced without my elixir. Imho, the only way for me not to be tested at this juncture is to be not "living" and why would i want that?

Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Re: On board at last 13 Jun 2012 15:50 #139386

  • chaimyakov
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"Life is for the living"
Don't know who said it but it sure rings true to me.
B'chasdei HASHEM Yisborach, i am living the good life, sober, with all the challenges included. Had a terribly frightening/sad dream last night and literally woke up in tears. It was linked to the biggest test of the last month or so. That test has B'H passed me by and left me stronger and better equipped to live life, but I guess it hasn't left my conscious. At least i didn't have a mess to deal with after this latest nightmare .

Continued Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Re: On board at last 13 Jun 2012 16:03 #139389

  • AlexEliezer
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Great quote!
It gives me great chizuk to hear of your success.
We weren't put here to coast. There will always be nisyonos.
Keep on davening.

Re: On board at last 05 Jul 2012 20:21 #140954

  • chaimyakov
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B'chasdei HASHEM Yisborach.
Living the sober life and loving it! Considering how things have been lately, right now life is oh so good. Thank you HASHEM. Thank you Guard. And thank you holy chevrah. Summertime has, is and will always be a challenging time for shmiras einayim. With AE's constant advice about bullet proof shmiras einayim and putting it into practice all these months, bli ayin hara, this summer so far has been wonderful. Just picked up an 8 month chip and it is a wonderful thing to accomplish something you thought of as impossible (the truth is, i did nothing more than let HASHEM do everything).
Dov, if you are listening, i finally am beginning to understand pshat when you say that worrying about s'char v'oneish is HASHEM's job, my job is to stay sober!

Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov
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