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On board at last
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TOPIC: On board at last 4588 Views

Re: On board at last 04 Jan 2012 21:03 #130067

  • chaimyakov
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Just checking in to report that no news is good news.  B'chasdei Hashem i have amassed 65 clean days.  When i stop and think about this i sometimes get nervous that it hasn't been more difficult than it has, and it has been difficult.  Not sure what angle the yh is coming from with that bit.  More doing less thinking is in order.  Still want to go/don't want to go to SA meeting.  All kinds of great arguments on both sides but the best argument is that all meetings around here will interfere with a chevrusa.  As if all these years of p&m haven't!!!
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov
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Re: On board at last 05 Jan 2012 00:24 #130086

  • obormottel
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chaimyakov wrote on 04 Jan 2012 21:03:

  More doing less thinking is in order.  Still want to go/don't want to go to SA meeting.  All kinds of great arguments on both sides but the best argument is that all meetings around here will interfere with a chevrusa.  As if all these years of p&m haven't!!!

Exactly!
I waited till I almost killed myself on my 80+ day sober because things got tough and I didn't know how to react to them without resorting to drugging myself with PandM.
Go to one meeting, and take it from there.
To me, my meetings are the best chevrusa, 'cause I am learning the most important subject: how to live my life and be a man. And that's Toiras Odom, don't you think?
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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Re: On board at last 05 Jan 2012 17:19 #130139

  • AlexEliezer
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The Y"H has many tricks.  One of his favorites is to get us to feel complacent, like we no longer have to be so vigilant.  Like we no longer have to be so careful avoiding triggers, situations, looking, fantasizing.

So if it feels easy it's because you're working so hard at the front end to avoid lust.  This is the easiest approach, and probably the most effective.

Keep on!
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Re: On board at last 06 Jan 2012 14:40 #130242

  • chaimyakov
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Update,
Hasgacha Pratis is alive and well.
My chevrusa will be away next week traveling and i am not such a tzadik(yet) that i will still go to the Beis Medrash and learn without him, so i have three nights "free" next week for SA and i will take full advantage of the opportunity.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD, and have a great Shabbos or Shabbat Shalom or Gut Shabbos (whichever you prefer) or not.  The choice is yours.
chaimyakov
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Re: On board at last 10 Jan 2012 21:50 #130508

  • chaimyakov
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First SA meeting was last night.  So far so good.  i was expecting more from it than i got because to them i am brand new but to me and y'all (that's yous guys for my NY friends) i am already into recovery.
"Slow down you move to fast, you gotta make the morning last" 
i got some phone numbers and plan on returning again and again and again.  Sure wish there was a Jewish, if not frum, SA available around these parts(maybe i will have to start one?) its hard to discuss religious aspects of my life and recovery with non Jews.  When they suggested a period of abstinence with my wife, i just smiled and nodded instead of discussing hilchos nida and all that entails. 

Another topic,
several weeks ago, i joined a friend at his apartments' gym to channel my addictive nature in positive, healthy directions.  It was great, middle of the day and empty except for us.  Then yesterday, several coeds came in during our work out.  It seems they were away and now that University has started back up, they have returned  :o  .  The first thing i did was wish for the hundredth time that i needed glasses to see so i could take them off so as not to see.  But whoa is me,  even after 30 years of m*&%^*n i can still see just fine, B'chasdei Hashem.  So i davened to Hashem and i turned away and continued onward and upward.  Then they swarmed so i locked my focus onto the ceiling and after a few more tense minutes they left ( hopefully not to be seen again, by me)  My chevrusa must think i am a Tzadik for not gazing, but no, i am just a lust addict who can not afford a little sip of forbidden.  My muscles are sore but my spirit is soaring.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov
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Re: On board at last 11 Jan 2012 14:20 #130557

  • chaimyakov
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L'Chaim, to life and to me!  Tremendous hakaros hatov to Hashem Yisborach, Guard, and all of y'all.
72 days clean.  Guess that really is 4 L'Chaims.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov
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Re: On board at last 11 Jan 2012 15:29 #130564

  • AlexEliezer
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CY,
Glad you're working out.  I had to give up going to a gym (they're all coed) because of the eye candy.  I must avoid this test to the best of my ability.  I place a high priority on fitness, but sobriety trumps everything.  I have built up a collection of weight equipment in my basement, and that's where I work out.  It's not as fun or stimulating as a gym, but it is more convenient 
Shteig on bro!
Alex
Last Edit: 11 Jan 2012 16:46 by .

Re: On board at last 11 Jan 2012 15:46 #130566

  • gibbor120
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Thanks for sharing that CY! KUTGW and KOT!
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Re: On board at last 11 Jan 2012 21:40 #130618

  • chaimyakov
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Baruch Hashem, today at the gym it was back to nobody but us.  Now that i have been challenged there, i am somewhat expecting a repeat.  It is so much easier for me to deal with things when i expect them.  Surprises of this sort are no fun.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov
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Re: On board at last 13 Jan 2012 00:21 #130744

  • obormottel
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I enjoy your posts, chaimyakov, here and on other threads. You talk a lot of sense, and you seem to be dead-set on recovering.
Hatzlocho.
Mottel
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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Re: On board at last 19 Jan 2012 21:05 #131181

  • chaimyakov
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A grueling multi-day assignment behind me, new place, many new people, many old/new challenges.  B'chasdei Hashem i did fine.  For the first time (ever?) that i can remember i stayed in a hotel room without turning on the tv.  This is a HUGH problem of mine that leads to nothing good even if it leads to nothing bad directly. The tv was my "third" parent, the other sibling i never had, my companion and best friend growing up.  No tv in the house for 14+ years so whenever i have traveled it is something i have joyfully anticipated even during the trip planning.  Am i also a tv addict, maybe yes maybe no.  i just know that for my recovery to continue i must not ever turn on that box.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov
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Re: On board at last 19 Jan 2012 21:16 #131185

  • ZemirosShabbos
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that is gevaldig, chaim yakov! kol hakavod
KUTGW

this is just for laughs:
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
― Groucho Marx
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ
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Re: On board at last 20 Jan 2012 00:45 #131212

  • chaimyakov
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obormottel wrote on 13 Jan 2012 00:21:

I enjoy your posts, chaimyakov, here and on other threads. You talk a lot of sense, and you seem to be dead-set on recovering.
Hatzlocho.
Mottel

Thank you.  i am glad it is helpful.  i just hope i am listening too
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov
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Re: On board at last 24 Jan 2012 02:58 #131485

  • chaimyakov
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Time to take another step,
anyone who would like to speak over the phone with me, pm me and i will send you my #.  i am located in the eastern USA.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov
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Re: On board at last 24 Jan 2012 22:45 #131630

  • chaimyakov
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WHEW!
12 hours in a room "alone" with a tv and B'chasdei Hashem Yisborach nothing doing.  Not even "just during supper, or while you are getting dressed"  Very difficult but oh so worth it.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov
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