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Re: On board at last 10 Dec 2012 22:07 #200038

  • chaimyakov
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it is i, though the forum doesn't seem to know it yet.
Welcome on board.

Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Re: On board at last 18 Apr 2013 18:23 #205443

  • chaimyakov
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chaimyakov here chiming in after a loooong time. B'chasdei Hashem only GOOD things to report on. Daily e-mails, readings, my GYE reminders on my cell phone, occasional calls and meetings along with my shevua are keeping me on the "living life sober" side of the equation. The other night after leaving the office way too late and too dark, i was struck by how much my life has changed for the better(NO, i don't think i am healed). Early on i had an iron rule that i wouldn't go to the office when no one else was there during the day, and nights were TOTALLY off limits. Now, i don't "have an internet problem" anymore, i am a lust addict who has found better ways to live life than drugged and looking for my next fix. i used to remind myself before entering the office that i was an addict and i needed to be on my toes, now i don't feel that i need to do so.
Ever vigilant and aware, life is increasingly GOOD.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Re: On board at last 18 Apr 2013 18:27 #205444

  • gibbor120
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Thanks for sharing the good news.

I wish you continued hatzlacha!

Re: On board at last 18 Apr 2013 18:44 #205449

Thanks for the great update ChaimYaakov. Your a 'shtarke' guy, and a big inspiration to all of us. It would be helpful if you could share more practical 'hadrachah' and more details of your 'derech' so that others can learn from you.

Hatzlacha

MT

Re: On board at last 18 Apr 2013 20:35 #205471

  • ZemirosShabbos
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happy to hear the good stuff!
chazak ve'ematz!
KUTGW
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: On board at last 18 Apr 2013 23:16 #205486

  • AlexEliezer
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Welcome back! Good to hear from you and glad it's good news!
I work in a place where it's impossible to hide from open internet computers, so I've also had to come up with a strategy more global that just filters.

I relate to the calm state of not living in fear of computers, in fear of myself. I still have a healthy respect for the internet and don't surf. Whenever I have a taiva to cruise the net, I come straight here!

Have a wonderful Shabbos Kodesh with your family!

Alex

Re: On board at last 18 Apr 2013 23:58 #205496

  • Dov
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Sweet!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: On board at last 19 Apr 2013 10:47 #205551

  • Eye.nonymous
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Thanks for the update.

--Elyah

Re: On board at last 22 Apr 2013 18:34 #205737

  • chaimyakov
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MT and all else who are interested,
hadracha- i have nothing new to add. The handbook lists practical steps and the hadracha is to start with the first one and keep adding steps, if needed, until you stop acting out and start recovering, that and "to thine own self be true" capture it imho.
my derech is as follows:

Daily e-mails - i read them, think about them, reread them and then file them to reread again;

Readings - i read from AA Big Book, 12 & 12, SA White book and the GYE handbook "more than needed" to stay ahead of the curve(i don't like myself when i am desperate for anything especially lust);

GYE reminders on my cell phone - i set up reminders at key points through out my day for "GYE" to appear on my phone. my family knows that it reminds me to "Guard Your Eyes", they don't know any more than that. i find it is, incidentally, an awesome chinuch tool for my family and especially my teenage son that they know i am working on improving myself without knowing any of the sordid details;

Occasional calls and meetings - i call/text and receive calls/text from GYE and Sa friends several times a week. These keep me in touch with real people and our common struggle. It has been shown(to me and others) that speaking out(also known as "giving up") what is bothering/challenging you reduces/diminishes/eliminates the "Power" they have over you. The SA meetings i attend a few times a month serve the same purpose and more. When i first began attending meetings(at the urging of my Rav) it was 1-2 a week, than 1 a week and now 1-2 a month, always more than i "need". i have found little or nothing more sobering than sitting with a bunch of fellow addicts and sharing our struggles. i guess you could say that they are like allergy booster shots for me;

my shevua - has saved me a few times and it is my "blankie" that i am afraid to put down. As Guided, the penalty is severe enough to work, but not so severe that i would not go through with it, Chas v"Shalom, should i ever violate any of its' conditions. Also, it has changed as needed to include new challenges that either were not there before or that i could not see that they were there before.

One other MAJOR point for me to add is that i am in regular communication with HASHEM. Before each amidah, i remind myself that if i can't even open my mouth to praise HASHEM without HIS help("HASHEM s'fasai tiftach"), than how powerless am i to fight lust. Before stepping back from each amidah, i add the serenity prayer. When an image or thought disturbs me i daven to HASHEM that i be able to find in HIM, HIS Torah, HIS service what i think i am missing and looking for in lust. And i also daven for the ability to love my wife not lust after her.

B'Chasdei HASHEM, this has helped me live a sober life for the first time since i was 13(over 30 years addicted).

i hope you find "an ace that you can keep" from my ramblings.(if you don't get the reference that is GOOD, and if you do, i hope it brings a smile to you.)

Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

Re: On board at last 22 Apr 2013 18:42 #205739

Shkoyach CY!
Gevaldigeh hadracha!

Hatzlacha!
MT

Re: On board at last 22 Apr 2013 20:19 #205743

  • gibbor120
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Thanks CY! Very good!

Re: On board at last 22 Apr 2013 21:02 #205751

  • Dov
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CY you are a blessing, geshmak, and it is so nice to hear from another sick person getting well one day at a time!

Have a nice day!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: On board at last 22 Apr 2013 22:50 #205757

  • Eye.nonymous
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chaimyakov wrote:

It has been shown(to me and others) that speaking out(also known as "giving up") what is bothering/challenging you reduces/diminishes/eliminates the "Power" they have over you.


Thanks!

--Elyah

Re: On board at last 05 Nov 2013 22:52 #222850

  • chaimyakov
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B'Chasdei HASHEM Yisborach, i celebrated my second "birthday" last week by not even noticing it until a few days later. Dov told me some time back (my paraphrase) that a birthday is nothing but another day sober. At the time, i couldn't imagine there would ever be a point in my life that all my energies would not be laser focused on sobriety and recovery and therefore a birthday would be eminently special. But now i see with "cleaner" eyes that what Dov told me was/is so true and so sweet. There is little in my experience more precious than a day lived sober and a milestone like a birthday is only special if it is a day lived sober.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD!
chaimyakov

ps. Hakaros HaTov(Tremendous Thanks and Recognition) to Guard, GYE and all of you for all that you have contributed to my life. Group hug and Woodford for all!

Re: On board at last 05 Nov 2013 23:14 #222852

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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WOW Mazel Tov!!!! KUTGW!!!!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



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