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Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar.
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 10022 Views

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 18 Jun 2009 16:38 #6609

  • Dov
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Dear heiligeh INH yid: It was nice to read your open and honest post. Thanks. Keep the frank-ness and things will keep getting better.
I feel the same exact way as the above yidden and say: consider keeping your date intact and moving on. Humility in sobriety is a good thing. The last thing I need is to maintain the lie that my sobriety is "perfect". It is a gift, never fully earned by me and I do not look a gift horse in the mouth!
We are not dealing with alcohol or cocaine here, where the lines (pun intended) are reasonably clear. It's lust. We do not have a way to draw a clear sobriety definition for lust. SA uses "sex with self or anyone other than the spouse" as its bottom line. Of course, anyone can choose their own. I believe in the Torah and the issur of hirhur bayom connected to hotzoas zera balayla. Nevertheless, as being frum enough never stopped me in addiction, I choose to remain far away from hypocrisy in sobriety, too. I do not associate what's assur or mutar with my sobriety directly. I keep it by the program. hashem takes care of the rest.
(In fact, my Best Eternal Friend has "taken care of the rest", as I have never [yet] had zera levatola even nocturnally since around the start of my second year of sobriety, BH - I am not showing off, just passing along hope)
I would feel batterred and down, yes, but would not change my sobriety date under your circumstances, my friend. I'd also have to work the steps (1-6) to get free of the down-ness, and quick, because: if I feel batterred and down enough - trust me - I'd be acting out soon anyway! With love and appreciation,
Dov
So,
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by danger.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 18 Jun 2009 17:06 #6615

  • Ineedhelp!!
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Wow thank you guys for all your support,

In light of all the suggestions i will keep my sobriety date so B'H today is day 9 then. Will the nocturnal emissions leave over time if i continue to stay sober? last time as i said i was sober for 11 days and had 3 emissions in one night!!!!!! last night B'H i only had one but 8 days from I could have another. I said tikun haklali today and will try to say it as many days as i can. I will also try to say krias shema al hamita with more alot more kavan because i have been very lax with that. I saw somewhere, maybe on the website, that sleeping with a talis katan on helps from the Arizal but i dont think thats so Shayach cause then how can i say the bracha of tzizis in te morning????

Thanks all keep up the support it definitely helps
-INH
Last Edit: by gye8484dao.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 18 Jun 2009 17:22 #6620

  • Dov
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Well, I do minhag munkatch and they never make a brocha on a talis koton, even unmarried. You could be maikil. OR you could have another Tallis koton and switch to it - necessitating another brocha, I think.
For me, a big thing was going to sleep with calmness and trust that Hashem will save me from z"l that night and calmly thanking him whatever happens, in the morning. Saying tehillim w/calm simcha helped a lot. Calmness, Trust, is big here, not fear. Ultimately, fear of the YH itself is not the answer, it is yirah amiti of Hashem. Fear of losing that relationship you have w/Hashem is good, too, but we trust Hashem to help us w/that, too and just stay honest w/Him! Love!
Dov
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by בת המלך.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 18 Jun 2009 20:04 #6638

  • the.guard
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A wet dream does not require restarting the count...

In previous generations this was considered somewhat of a fall, but in our generation I tell everyone, that if you are having wet dreams you should rejoice!! Why? Because it is a sign that although your body has natural sexual tension, you do not release it yourself! Do you know what a great thing that is? Your Yetzer Hara cannot get you when you are conscious. He has no choice but to get you when you're asleep! And he uses this only to try and get you down and depressed about it. That is his BIGGEST tool, to get you depressed. Because in depression, a person can easily fall back into his old ways! Also, please see this page of our FAQ about "wet dreams".
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 19 Jun 2009 16:43 #6759

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I was really close to another nocturnal emission last night but woke up before it happened (i think). Baruch Hashem! Hopefully this is a sign that I'm even able to fight it when i am most vulnerable. Well anyways, today is day 10 bli neder!!! My high is 11 and Motzei Shabbos is my hardest time so well see if i can stand the test.

Have an amazing and uplifting Shabbos to all
-INH
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 19 Jun 2009 17:34 #6768

  • bardichev
i know you've probably heard this before

try not to concentrate on holding back, for that alone can bring it on.

segulah: say ELIYAHU 70 times before sleep

bardichev
Last Edit: 20 Jun 2009 19:31 by ananymous.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 20 Jun 2009 19:33 #6778

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Ineedhelp!! wrote on 19 Jun 2009 16:43:

I was really close to another nocturnal emission last night but woke up before it happened. Baruch Hashem! Hopefully this is a sign that I'm even able to fight it when i am most vulnerable.


That is amazing!  Thank you very much for sharing. It is very inspiring.  I am anxiously looking forward to your updates in your handbook thread.

Keep growing!
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 24 Jun 2009 20:24 #7309

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Hi guys,

I havent written on the site in a while and Im sorry to say i slipped today. I went 14 days which is my new longest streak. I am now making a new goal for myself for 21 days with tomorrow as day 1 hopefully i can make that goal with a lot of tefillah and reading handbooks/attitude.

-INH
Last Edit: by ya alla.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 24 Jun 2009 21:24 #7317

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Don't count the days, reb INH. Make the days count.
Love,
Dov
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by sambusak.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 24 Jun 2009 22:39 #7325

  • Hoping
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dov wrote on 24 Jun 2009 21:24:

Don't count the days, reb INH. Make the days count.

Dov has just dropped agem with which we should live our entire lives.WOW
Last Edit: by Kadosh262626.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 24 Jun 2009 22:57 #7327

  • Dov
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Bil'adai, I heard it from Harvey H....
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by dsilva.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 02 Jul 2009 17:22 #8007

  • chl
bs"d

love it! thanks, dov!
Last Edit: by msgye5.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 02 Jul 2009 20:52 #8028

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Dear Ineedhelp

wer'e proud of you for working so hard to fight this thing.Your'e not alone.We are all rooting for you.

Tell Hashem that if you will pull me out of this I will bli neder do what I can to help other's that were in my situation with thier nisyonos.Because you dealt with this you will be an immense help to those that were in your situation.You will able to reach people that no rosh yeshiva can reach.Because many don't understand.

I know it's hard too look so far ahead.you may say that in my shape how can I even think of helping others when I'm so messed up.

But you will be amazed with time how Hashem heals you.Never be discouraged.The lapses are part of the healing process.As long as you are trying,Hashem sees your efforts and loves you for it.

Mark my words-you will see this several years from now.Hashem will send you neshomas that will need your help.That day will definitely come.And you were chosen for this task because you will have earned that zchus of helping many lives live their true and great potential
Last Edit: by Strugglingteen.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 13 Jul 2009 09:32 #8636

  • chl
bs"d

Thanks yechida for this very inspiring post!
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 15 Sep 2009 15:12 #18032

  • Ineedhelp!!
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Hey everyone Im back!

For whatever reason i took a 3 month break form GUE. I went away for the summer and when i got back i just forgot about because i had started just a month before i went away. during the summer i had a 35 day streak! By far my best all time (my previous high was 11??). Lately it has been roguh for me, but in the fews days we have till the Yom Hadin I want to show Hakadosh Baruch Hu who I really am. I have been clean for 4 days now and i hope to make that a permanent mark.

May we all be zocheh to a chasimah vechasimah tova

-INH
Last Edit: by pa.
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