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Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar.
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 10021 Views

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 07 May 2009 15:56 #4791

  • Ineedhelp!!
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Hi everyone,

I regret to inform people that I was Nichshal my Yezter Harah last night. That is the bad news. And althoug it is bad i do have some good news. I feel good today my new day 1. I feel different than I usually do. I usually feel down and depressed but tiday i feel confident that i can succeed.

I need someone who is willing to talk with me one on one. Not on the phone but maybe in AIM chat or google chat. I feel that i need someone to talk it out with. someone that can understand where im coming from and give good advise. Is there that someone here? Please reply that you would be willing to help me privately. I would not want to make this a one way relationship. Just like I want you to help me, I wnat to help you just as much if not more.

I also need to do something about my filter. I have K9, but it often blocks websites that I need for school so i kind of need to know the password. does anyone have any advise about that?

Ok thats all I have to say for now. Im sorry for letting people down but I will try again and B'H we will all suceed one day.

Have a great and meaningful day
Last Edit: by altirahyaakov.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 07 May 2009 22:07 #4801

  • London
Hello Ineedhelp

I also need help too, today I do slipped, have convenant eyes on my computer but still managed to find images and acted out today.  You write sorry for letting everyone down - this is a very negative attitude, when I first came into recovery I spoke to R' Twersky and he told me to think about all the victories that I have had and the massive mitzvos I get from them.  We are fighting a war, and there will be some battles that we loose as they say in the fellowships it's progress not perfection.

Let us both get up dust ourselves down and continue fighting the war and winning the battles over this nasty and disgusting addiction.  My battle today is to get to bed sober  that is what I commit to everyone on this forum.

Thanks for being here for me.
London
Last Edit: by Icandothis.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 07 May 2009 22:19 #4803

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Thank you London,

Althoug I am not happy you slipped as well, I am glad that you shared it with me it makes me feel alot better and comforted.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 07 May 2009 22:23 #4804

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Dear Ineedhelp!!,
It was heartening and beautiful just to read the way you responded to your experience.
Having people to talk to on the phone is really good for me. These people are easy to come by in the 12-step meeting groups. We help in order to remain sober, ourselves. I do not wish to pry or push, just sharing an idea...
This email venue is too time-consuming for me to use in conversation very often but if you'd like to talk, let me know how to email you directly with my number. Also, someone on this site is writing about an email/ phone or chat group for chizuk and sobriety in another thread. Email Guard for details, I guess, if that sounds useful to you. K'nei lecha chaver - even if you need to but it, meaning, there may be a price, not just cash!
PS. A rebbi of mine said to read that also: "Kaneh (a reed, or pen) lecha chaver. Meaning, "let your pen be your friend" and write stuff down (in a safe place!) I have a greater feeling of accountability and reality to what I am doing when I journal. It helps and it trains me to do written program work better, when that is needed, too. Hope that's helpful. Hatzlacha.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 07 May 2009 22:29 #4805

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Thank you Dov for your uplifing words.

I appreciate the offer to talk on the phone but i dont feel comforable doing that just yet. I want someone that could do an Instant Message thing. Then maybe develope that into phone call. If anyone is interested email me at Yiddle2@gmail.com.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 07 May 2009 23:10 #4806

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Dear Aaron4,
Thanks for your words.
1- All I can tell my wife w/respect my to lust issues are the facts. She can't process the explanations/reasons in my mind for how/why I had the problem. The whole thing is way too scary and weird to her. I tried, early on, but learned that it was just cruel to do to her. She does deserve and need to know the facts, though. The rest I tell my sponsor and home group - and it is important that she knows that.
When it comes to the ups and downs of my day, including the convoluted and often self-absorbed and goofy things that are mostly going on inside my head, it is different - now. Used to be I could'nt share that with her either and she'd just say (angrily, sometimes) "you need to go to talk to your sponsor," or "you need to go to a meeting".
We needed to feel that out and with siyata dishmaya it is getting better. Interestingly, we are getting closer through working together  to deal with the vicissitudes of life, which - without sobriety - I'd have escaped from into my brain, making my own issues up or acting out in lust, just to avoid them all...living in reality is no fun sometimes but it is 1000% better that being in "fake-land". It seems we get sober and finally can start really living. It's not the goal, just the ground level!

An idea from this: Get yourself more involved in HER world, instead of trying to get HER more involved in YOUR world. Your world is beaing taken care of just fine by Hashem. Now it's time to start worrying yourself with HER concerns...She'll know it and may respond to that well. Did that clarify anything?

2- Yes, it was a big impediment. Lo hamedrash haikkar, ellah hamaaseh applies more to addicts that to anyone, perhaps. Rule #62 of AA is: "Don't take yourself so ____-damn seriously". It takes lots of tefilla and siyata dishmaya to get better at focusing on doing what needs to get done for others and myself w/o getting lost in the reasons, motivations, and outcomes. Yes, I need to take what I do very seriously, but not myself. PIck anyone else who needs you and take them and their needs more seriously and you'll get more sobriety - and have more fun, too! This takes siyata dishmaya and I don't really understand it, but it sure makes a person more effective! Relationships w/others become very frustrating for both parties when too much power is given to details like what I am really thinking, if I am really a tzaddik or a rasha, what the deeper meaning of what I/they did is, the past/future, etc. I don't Chv"sh mean to trivialize, but does that make sense to you? Is this addressing what you were asking at all? Uh-oh! Am I taking this too seriously? Ahhhhhhh!!!!

3- You are probably doing fine for now but just aren't aware of it. But here is my two cents: Writing my whole acting out history; writing the fourth step as AA (the four columns) recommends, and doing the other steps with a sponsor and friends leads me (I hope) to gaining honesty and living honestly. Daven a few times a day to be led on only the right path; to be protected from lying and from sheker in general; from accepting counterfeit happiness (lust, hollywood, approval from others) instead of the real thing; for Hashem to show us what the real thing is; for honesty. And be aware that the very best Hashem will probably give you is just a bit more honesty that you already have. It seems to me that if He gave it all to us in one birthday present, our heads would blow up, or something! Or more likely, we wouldn't know what to do with it. Hope that helped. This journey is the big game - the only real game in town. It is really, really precious, and so: it takes time, lots of time...- Dov
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 08 May 2009 20:22 #4822

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Hello fellow Yiddim again,

I am making another plea to find a Jew who is willing to talk maybe through email but preferably through an AIM or gmail chat. Please I am making a desperate plea. Ribono Shel Olam send me someone to talk to please.
Last Edit: by DailyFight.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 09 May 2009 19:28 #4825

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I can talk now. PM me with some contact info.
Last Edit: by shloyme.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 10 May 2009 13:28 #4839

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I invited you to chat on one of my gmail accounts. You will need to tell me a time when you will be available to chat. I am currently in Israel, so keep that in mind.
Last Edit: by testemail10.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 10 May 2009 13:36 #4840

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Thank you ANo Nomous

I havent gotten an invittation. Did you do it to Yiddle2@gmail.com?
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 10 May 2009 13:39 #4841

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I did it to what you sent in the PM (copy & paste) but you wrote gamil.com instead of gmail. I resent it.
Last Edit: by Joel.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 11 May 2009 12:35 #4872

  • aaron4
Dov,

Thank you for your thoughtful replies, you hit the nail on the head with each one!  I've been working on #1 and #3.  It's probably no surprise to anyone except me that my wife knows a lot more about what's going on then I was giving her credit for.  Not only were my concerns that she'd react negatively unfounded, she in fact admires the work I've been doing and respects me more for it.  Go figure.  #2 was a bit of a chiddush although it makes perfect sense when you explain it.  On the one hand, isn't this whole disease in your head, because lust feeds off fantasy and imagination in a "fake world"?  It would seem that the solution must also be in your head - in ensuring that your mind is "clean" and focused on reality.  But there's nothing like living reality to get your mind focused on it.  Don't think so much, just do the right things for Hashem and he'll take care of your mind, your body and your life.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 11 May 2009 13:20 #4873

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Here, Here!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by .

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 14 May 2009 02:28 #4939

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Hey fellow Jews,

Im looking for a Chavrusah for nights maybe on the phone or on the computer (you woould need a mic, I have one)for 15-20 minutes a night to learn Mussar. I need someone at night because thats when I'm most likely to be Nichshal. It would have to be someone in America because I want it at night East Coast time. If you are interested please reply to this or email me at yiddle2@gmail.com

Have a great day
-Yiddle2
Last Edit: by Daniel.

Re: Please gimme some Chizuk and or Mussar. 17 May 2009 19:54 #5023

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I fell again last night. Thats really all I have to say.

But I will say more. I am feeling like Im going to fall again today. Oy Hakadosh Baruch Hu please dont let me fall. As i wrote that last sentencemy friend walked in so I am definitely not going to do it while he is here. Hashem has answered my prayer!!

Love you all
-Yiddle2
Last Edit: by hphm.
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