Human being wrote on 25 Nov 2022 20:08:
I met HHM. Finally met someone in person. It was a great trial run to see how my mind would react. I thank HHM profusely for giving me the space and time for the tryout.
At the same time there's a part of me that feels judged near anyone that cant accept me if i want to watch porn. Therefore, its very upset at me for ruining its trust in me. So I need to take a break from meeting anyone that would look down at the part of me that wants to watch porn. (anyone basically too religious). I have not been able to function due to this part of me that doesn't feel safe around even me anymore because i ruined its trust in me. So going through a little of a hard time right now. Not feeling safe and secure with myself. But I'm beginning to rebuild the trust in myself to keep me safe. I commit to keeping myself safe for the next week no matter what. Even if a different part of me wants to push me, i will not allow it. I will keep them safe.
I'm sorry to read about the hard situation your in right now, it must really feel hard and challenging. I hope you feel better soon.
Wanted to quickly comment on the quoted post above. I'm sorry that part of you feels judged, I also have parts that are very sensitive to judgement, although I'm better now sometimes bh.
Just wanna share something I learned from being here some time, maybe it will resonate with you, and can be of a help. There are many ways, methods, modalities, and ideas how to work on those struggles, some are very different then the other, a 12 steps guy, cannot partner with a IFS guy, even if both respect each other and have the same goals, they just speak different languages, and look at things differently on a very basic level. In fact I think that such a partnership will only brake them both.
Lets say if a 12 steps guy will say only G-d can take away my lust, and the IFS guy will try to explain to him that every person has a Self that can be in the driver's seat and take care of the lust firefighter, the guy will feel misunderstood, and even judged- as If he is expected to be able to fight his "sickness". Now we know that non of them are judging the other, but they are taking a very different approach to this journey.
I think that might be what happened here, I don't think anyone judged your wanting to act out, its just has a very different language to this struggle, and feeling misunderstood, can feel judged at times.
Personally, I think that is one of the main benefits of the 12 steps program, having a fellowship that speaks your 'language', I've always been jealous of that part.
Wonder if any of yhis makes sense to you.
Wishing you the best brother.
#NOJUDGMENTZONE!
