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My summer forum
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: My summer forum 3503 Views

Re: My summer forum 11 Mar 2022 02:47 #378448

Captain wrote on 11 Mar 2022 02:04:
Hey Eyes, how's it going? We miss you 

I second that! 
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Re: My summer forum 11 Mar 2022 03:31 #378451

  • eyes
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Hi Everyone,
It is a bit hard for me to come on often
Also my filter is so frum that I cant even read your messages.

As I wrote in my last post that BH w moved to a new country.
I fell about 90 days ago. I have not updated my count as I was told by a Rosh Yeshiva not to do that.

I am now in University BH but it is full of pritzus.

Where I live women try to be uncovered as much as possible as long as the weather permits and even that.

Its not easy.

I am still recovering from my fall in which I dumped close to 1000 days clean.

I still struggle, but I needed that fall as I was fooling around for a long time.

I come on when I can, but I dont post often.

More than welcome to shout me out and I will IYH respond

Hatzlacha to everyone

Re: My lifes' forum 12 Jun 2022 22:47 #381852

  • eyes
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Hi Everyone,
I have not posted on my forum in a while.

Since I fell last time right before asarah b'teves I have been having ups and downs seeing things and then stopping right before I could ejaculate. Putting it simply I have been playing around.
For some reason it gives me a real good feeling when I misbehave. its fun, and it really makes me feel good. Yesterday I really had to try hard not to google or see anything that I should. I decided that I ant even put it into the google search, as if I do; im done.
Last week Thursday evening is when I stopped for the time being.

It is also hard for me when my wife uses mikvah night as a tease. for the last 2 weeks she was sick and got her period early. for some reason she blead in the middle of the 7 days which put it into reset. while she was sick I said something to her in not a nice way and she is very upset. I apologized for what I said, but I feel I have done so much for her while she was sick that there is really no space for feeling that way. But its fine. She says that she doesnt feel close to go to the mikvah bc of the way I spoke to her. Thats fine.

Im not running now to go look at pictures of women.

I feel like telling her, so dont go. Dont make me into a sex object and that I am only nice to you when I want sex. So dont go.

In any case sorry for my rant.
I will try to start posting daily again IYH

Re: My lifes' forum 13 Jun 2022 19:38 #381910

  • eyes
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Hi Guys,
Sorry for not updating yesterday.
it was a bit tough. I was so in the mood of seeing pictures as that would calm down my nervous.
Thank G-d I didnt google anything
It was hard, I really wanted to, but BH I didnt

Today I will IYH keep on working on myself 

Eyes

Re: My lifes' forum 13 Jun 2022 19:45 #381913

  • yechielmichel
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eyes wrote on 13 Jun 2022 19:38:
Hi Guys,
Sorry for not updating yesterday.
it was a bit tough. I was so in the mood of seeing pictures as that would calm down my nervous.
Thank G-d I didnt google anything
It was hard, I really wanted to, but BH I didnt

Today I will IYH keep on working on myself 

Eyes

At the risk of pointing out the obvious (sorry I haven't read all your posts):
what are other ways that you have to calm down nerves?

Re: My lifes' forum 14 Jun 2022 10:42 #381932

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Well I do exercise, that helps me

BH today was a lot better

eyes

Re: My summer forum 15 Jun 2022 13:17 #381975

  • frank.lee
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(maybe this should be moved to the bb forum)
i think you should try to have a planned(?) calm, constructive conversation about the issue...
Last Edit: 15 Jun 2022 13:19 by frank.lee. Reason: Typo

Re: My summer forum 27 Jun 2022 12:18 #382499

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Hi Guys,
How are you?

Someone Pm'd me, so I guess people are reading my posts.
​I feel weird because everyone is posting how they are doing. Some have good news, some just put emojies, and some dont post at all. 
I havent posted in a while, BH I have school and work and BH with the fam bam, im busy all day. 

Well Last week Thursday and 2 days before that which is about 11 days ago I was googling things and pictures that I shouldnt be doing. I was able to bypass my filter to see some nice stuff. Although only pictures, they were still nice. My filter even allowed me to go on google podcast and I was able to hear some nice stories too.

But then came the turning point. I told HHM that I just want to stop, so he told me stop. So I asked Hashem for 1 week. Just one week of no googling things and to be clear of these things.

By the way just on that topic, all these days were happening during the muttar period. I got sick during that period. my wife told me as long as you are sick there is nothing. and nothing happened we were together only once. I feel that because I did things that were not proper during that time, I got the pictures, but I didnt get the personal connection to my wife. 

in any case 2 Thursday nights ago, I sent a whole email to gentch asking them to not allow me to google certain words. 
I encourage you to do the same. if there are any words that you google to get some stimulation, then ask them to block it. We are all human. We have wants and tayvos. That is the way we were created. So if there is something getting you excited block it. 
I was speaking to a co-worker today and I asked him if he plans on traveling with his family. He told me that his wife tries to stay away from any stressful situations. So if there is something triggering you, just block it.

In any case I could still go around it and see pictures anyway, since I figures out how to get around that too. But is this what I want? (I do) but I know where it will lead me so I would rather not.

So BH since that time I have BH been careful on the computer and on the other devices in our home that is not filtered.

I do my best

I am far from perfect. I have lots of work to do.

I would like to end off with a short story from Reb Aron Karliner a talmid of the magid of mezritch the talmid of the baal shem tov.

He gives the following mashul about excitment about yiddishkeit.

There were once 2 poor people in a city and a rich man.
The rich man one day approaches both poor people and he "lends" them a large some of money and gives them both a day to pay it back. He told them the money should be used to try to earn a living and to be self sustained. 

The first poor man goes and squanders the money. He buys the nicest house and clothes for all his family members. He is the next guest of honor at the school dinner and sits at the mizrach vant in shul and get the third or sixth aliyah every shabbos. Before long there is not a cent left from the money he received from the rich man.

The other fellow takes it slow. He buys the bare minimum for his family and them goes to build up a business. He invests here and there and BH he begins getting money. Every time he makes money he puts back a few coins in his cup in order to pay back the rich man. 

Pay day comes, and the first guy has no money to pay. The rich man gets furious and demands that every cent gets paid back in its entirety. The second man comes and he hands the money to the rich man and says thanks for your help and kindness and gives him back the money. The rich man said, you used the money well, you could keep it. 

So what I learn from this story is, that I get excited over being clean. Its nice, when mikvah night comes around I am clean. everything is bliss. But... then comes those stressful times, when I get upset or I feel used out and I turn to my computer to look at pictures of women exercising. 

Every day is a struggle and I tell myself, be careful. I am human and sometimes I get the better of myself and scum to those pictures.

But I know deep down I really want to be good. I know that I live in a world where there is a pritzus pandemic. I live in a country where being undressed is the best. every opportunity that women have to get take off clothes they do it.

Its tuff, we live in a tuff world.

All I could do is to do my best.

Thanks everyone 

Eyes 

Re: My summer forum 28 Jun 2022 03:49 #382524

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Contact your bank and dispute the charges!

Re: My summer forum 28 Jun 2022 03:52 #382525

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I’m no expert as I’m single but I breezed through some earlier posts of yours and I would definitely recommend looking into being open with your wife about your addictions. Of course not necessarily can she just fix everything, but her being aware of your situation might help. For example if there is something she does or watches or listens to which makes it easier or harder for you, you might want to tell her.

again, I’m no expert because what do I know I’m single, ask someone a second and third opinion, but I would look into it!

Re: My lifes' forum 28 Jun 2022 03:53 #382526

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I play online speed chess 

Re: My summer forum 29 Jun 2022 12:42 #382596

  • eyes
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BH 
I dont think I am addicted BH
I was told by a prominent rov that I am BH not considered addicted

She knows about it.

Thanks  

Re: My summer forum 29 Jun 2022 12:45 #382597

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Hi frank.lee,
I am a bit crazy but I think that these sexual issues and things like that should not be hidden from bochurim.

I think bochurim should know what is going on out there. They should know their triggers and be able to deal with it.

They should know how to have proper sex and what to expect.

I am totally in shock the way I was taught as a chosson.

​I think this whole taboo about sex shoud be in the open.

We cant shield the bochurim any more. You know why? if they are not told about it in a proper way, then they go to porn and google everything they need to know

Please argue if you feel different

Re: My summer forum 29 Jun 2022 13:22 #382598

  • Vehkam
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eyes wrote on 29 Jun 2022 12:45:
Hi frank.lee,
I am a bit crazy but I think that these sexual issues and things like that should not be hidden from bochurim.

I think bochurim should know what is going on out there. They should know their triggers and be able to deal with it.

They should know how to have proper sex and what to expect.

I am totally in shock the way I was taught as a chosson.

​I think this whole taboo about sex shoud be in the open.

We cant shield the bochurim any more. You know why? if they are not told about it in a proper way, then they go to porn and google everything they need to know

Please argue if you feel different

what is your approx age? my understanding is that a lot more is taught then when i was young and they are much less shielded.  i guess it depends on the community
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: My lifes' forum 29 Jun 2022 14:43 #382607

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try putting on a good filter so not having the option to look at bad stuff.
​i would recommend to install techloq Shmira. shmira@techloq.com
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